Tuesday, January 31, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote for the Day
Total freedom is never what one imagines and, in fact, hardly exists. It comes as a shock in life to learn that we usually only exchange one set of restrictions for another. The second set, however, is self-chosen, and therefore easier to accept.

Anne Lindbergh
Yesterday was a fruitful day. I went and talked to my Doctor, who informed me that it was a technical computer glitch, and she was in no way culpable for the issue or the length of time it took to fix it. She was fine with stating in my paramount file that it was their issue and not me. I didn't do anything wrong, and I have been UBER careful with the medications...So I stood my ground, spoke my truth, asked for the result that I wanted, and got it done. I really don't care why it happened, I just want it understood that it should not have happened in the first place, and more importantly to just me...That it won't happen again to me or anyone else. I asked her to place notes in all my open too everyone in the HMO documents that I had experienced a technical error, and that all future weird things should be called to her attention at once...And she agreed that next time she won't just wait for the month top go by and see me again at our appointment...She will call next time, and I was asked something interesting. Why didn't you become a screaming pain in my side?
That's what she asked.
I simply stated that I felt that after being treated like a drug addict by the pharmacy and the nurse staff, because I wanted to know where my refills had disappeared to, that I simply am well bred, and very well mannered. I thought pissing and morning would would make them treat me MORE like a desperate Junkie, than they all ready were.
She thought about it, and I added...I wanted to talk with YOU, so because I found it impossible to go thru any switchboard to reach her, I simply waited.
I thought about that all the way home, about how I had dimplomaticly handled myself with calm, patience and integrity. I said everything I need to say, and things were fixed and apologies issued.
Problem solved. I am proud of myself.
I used my newfound ability to purge myself of irrational fear,
and anger and then went in with confidence and the thought that it was going to work out the way it was supposed to work out for the best for my personal self.
and it did.
faith is a beautiful thing...It gave me wings to face an old fear and win.
So, if I can do that and be successful...
watch out world, I am fully
ready, to take all of it on.
I am ready to be fully engaged, responsive and BOLD.
Full time.
Proof is in the small steps...
Proof is in the pudding...
Proof is in the doing.
The Universe always conspires with action that is correct and coming from a place of truth.
Truth is always the best path for this
Thank you my friends that contacted me after reading the post....Yesterday, you both have no idea, how much it meant to me to hear your words, and know that they were coming from a place of real love. I am blessed and grateful for your presence in my life today, and again I thank you.
Have another busy day today, more art promotion, and I have to conduct an interview with a major magazine about my process of creation, and how my intuitive life coaching falls into my approach to my artwork. It should be interesting, because I have purposely not thought about what I will answer to that question, so that I may let my real truth about that come to the surface in its own way and time.
That should prove enlightening for the both of us.
I also have business stuff to accomplish, and that will take up the rest of my day, details of promotion and advertising. Sometimes being a self promoting artist gets in the way of being an artist itself...So much work to get seen, stay seen, make sales, inspire, and create/discover new depths of my inner creator.
Whew! It's hard to make ends meet, but today I feel free because it's all me. No corporations, no boss, no one telling me what I am worth, or when I'll have the time for living...I live while I work...I feel most alive when I am alone in my studio, music pumping, paint flying...Tone, texture, feeling, LOVE!
Have a great day all,
I am off to be brilliant, witty and insightful...Well I hope to be all those things...
I'll be what I will be in that moment...Right now I have to go be Mom.
till later,
BE BOLD today!
And Buy Art...Yes Buy My Art!

Monday, January 30, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote for the day
I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world.

Monday January 30th...
today is one of those days where you say to yourself...
"self, we just got to get through this day, and it'll be OK."
The thing is I have so much stuff to take care of today...I am feeling overwhelmed. The facts of life today are:
I have to run all the errands that I have to do,
can't miss any of them today.
I also have to go and talk with the Head Shrinker...I am angry with my Doctor, so it's not going to be an easy visit for me.
Anger is something I have never been comfortable with...I mean I lived with it in such huge amounts, and for so many years of this life,
that it's hard for me to really get angry and act a fool.
I need to speak hard words to my doctor, I need to say somethings that I have never said to a Doctor...Especially one who is in "charge" of my mental Health and well-being. I have seen hundreds of counselors and therapists over the years...All of them are scary, they have way too many labels for me...And medications that they are sure would correct my "depression" "anxiety" and "fear issues".
Thing is...I am not depressed, or nearly as fear based as I used to be. I do suffer daily with overwhelming anxiety...Some days are better than others. I also can't sleep...Like at all...Ever. I have always had issues with sleep, even as a small child, so I can get kinda batty if I am not sleeping well, and having terrible anxiety attacks, daily...and my physical pain levels are elevated because of the freaking weather.
(the cause of my stress and fear is the freaking issue here people not a symptom of my environment to be cured with better living through pharmaceuticals)
So if you combine no sleep, barely any food
(freaking IBS and a spastic colon),
elevated pain levels,
high stress levels because I have three kids,
(the oldest of which I am sure is trying to shave years off my life span...Give it a break freaking teenager!)
and two business to run and an art career to continue to launch and grow,
and the fact that we don't EVER make enough money to ever enjoy the pleasures that life can bring...You know vacations, shoes...Bread that isn't on the day old sales rack...Electricity and food in the same month...You know the basics, facts are when you live this close to the line...You are always acutely aware of how close to the edge of disaster
you are dancing, and it's hard to relax, when walking tightropes.
My issue this morning is how to get all the things I HAVE to get done, done and get myself mentally prepared for a hard conversation with my doctor.
She went to great pains to make me feel safe and comfortable in past visits. I have never been as honest about myself as I tried being with this Woman, at least not in a clinical situation.
I have a crazy metabolism, that does not interact with drugs of any kind very well, or if it does, it's in a weird way. I have about 4 trillion allergies...Which also complicates things...Because half of the things I am allergic to are the popular medications being offered by western doctors today.
So I go to my new doctor, with my new found self advocate in my side pocket, and I tell the truth.
I say I am freaking overwhelmed, and I can only take these types of medications...This is the list of things that work and an even bigger list of things I have tried and have bad reactions to.
I need a vacation in a pill. I want to be able to sleep. Give me something that helps me make it all stop before I got to bed, so I can freaking sleep or I am going to really go insane.
Are you getting my drift?
Well...She agreed that I had really been through the ringer with the HMO metal health situation, and that indeed my medical history was impressive...so we decide to give Xanex a try.
At the beginning of December I saw her again, we talked about how things were going with the medication, we talked about the high risks of this drug becoming a habit, we talked about addiction, and the warning signs of it. We agreed that I was using the medication properly, and could be trusted with a refilled prescription...5 refills, and call if I need to...She thought I was doing well enough to be trusted...
and when I followed her directions and did not abuse the drug at all...I had my refills taken away...Without notice. She never called and said, "Ummm...Heather I think we need to talk, you look like you are taking too many of these pills." Nothing, just no contact and no prescription, which means no sleep for the last week.
So I made an appointment three weeks ago to see her and talk about how that wasn't really the best way to deal with this situation, after she herself was the one that told me that she would NOT do exactly this type of thing to me.
I know that the pills are not the issue. I have figured out a way to deal without them...I am working on getting myself right round.
What is my major issue is that I actually thought that I had gotten somewhere in this world through the using of TRUTH.
I had never been so open or honest or willing to trust.
She screwed the pooch with me.
That feeling of security and safety...Gone.
That's what is really getting my panties in a knot.
I want to stream and yell at her.
I want to pitch a fit.
I want to make a written complaint.
I want someone to care that I was hurt and mistreated.
I want someone to care.
Well, facts are, I am just another file in the stack , on the desk of another jaded, overworked professional.
I am not a human being in their eyes, because they are not in the business of curing Humans, in my opinion they are only interested in what medication they can give you, and then controls you though.
Fuck that.
I will find my own way out.
I also will have to tell her in plain language, why I am not going to be talking with her anymore, or anyone else for that matter. I am done with Western medicine for what ails my brain and it's funky nero transmitters.
I still have to deal with my inner issue of feeling betrayed. I still have to speak outloud, in person to someone who has the power of being a Mental Health Professional, and is taking notes in my permante file. I know that bitching about them taking away my Med's will only make them think I am a drug addict, and I know I will be treated as such...how dare I know so much aboout my medical history...Names of drugs?! Oh my...You must be a drug addict...No dumass I happen to be a very intelligent, mentally very stable and healthy, stressed out, not sleeping over worked human, who happens to know my own medical history, and have had to deal with the weirdness of my corporal self for my entire life, so it's important to know what works and what doesn't. They always want me to take their drug, because it works better now, it is this or that...And when I ginny pig it for them, and have bad reactions that sometimes land me in the hospital with shock or some kind of Organ damage thats totally unheard of...Then they always say..."Wow, you weren't kidding." They either loose interest in me, because I actually require them to care and think about me other than the five point 2 seconds I get in the exam room, or the 30 minutes session on the couch.
I am not easy to fix.
Or they go the other route...I become a pet experiment, and they say..."Well take this and we will see what happens." I have had these doctors in the past write papers and cases histories for their own research or needs. I even had one therapist retire and write a fiction based novel on my life story, and she told me about how she was really excited to retire now, because she couldn't wait to write this book...Based on the two years of therapy I had done with her to get over sleepwalking and night terrors, felt like, "thanks I've got all I need, here are some reffeerals to other doctors to finish your therapy."
Fun huh?
So I might have a few issues with being treated like either an exploitable commodity or a big pain in the ass.
The thing is that I broke down and asked for help. I went in and said, please help me feel better, please help me sleep, please help me turn of my freaking brain." I just wanted a vacation in a pill. I just wanted to be able to say, I am not super human, and I need help getting to sleep at night. I need help to stop feeling like I can't stop.
Not all day everyday, just PRN (as needed) and at night, so I can look forward to going to bed instead of dread.
No big deal. I thought.
It is a big deal...Damn, it was hard to get enough courage to go in there and ask for help in the first place...After waiting for 4 weeks to be seen in the first place...And then to end up in the same situation, even though I handled the entire situation for a present moment stand point. I asked for help, and I thought I had done it right for the first time in my life, and was being rewarded in a way, for doing the right thing for my own mental health, for telling the truth about myself, for not prejudged the doctors because of my past experiences with people I am supposed to be able to trust, literally with my life. For being real, for being imperfect, for being honest...I thought I had gained some powerful new insight to the way it could work.
I am angry about the fact that I lost that. I may not have really ever had it in reality, she may have been snowing me all along...I may have needed to believe that it could be different this time, if I handle myself with integrity, honesty, and faith, so that I could go and ask for help to begin with. I am not sure, but I do know that I am one pissed off Human. I am not good at being angry and productive at the same time. I can get mad...I can speak my mind, I can tell you how the cow eats the cabbage in a heart beat. I am not afraid of confrontation...I never have backed down from anything, I get scared, but I do anyway...Always have. I have been trained to not yell, scream or become unseemly when angry. I become very tactful, diplomatic, calm, patient. The nicer I get the madder I really am.
So I have to learn how to take reality, and the facts of my life and make them work with me, not against.
I have to print this blog and take it with me to my doctors office and ask her to read it. I have to tell her the truth, that I think she was uncaring and unkind.
I have to say, that she has made my progress with trust and the Medical World, take a couple steps back and sit down hard.
I have to say ouch, you hurt me.
So I will do all those things, I have no hope that she will really Understand my feelings on this issue...Communicate with me, that's all I ever asked, please don't do things without communication, because that would make me feel uncomfortable and unconvinced that you really are thinking of my best interest.
Don't think I did the right thing with my script? Well, then how about a phone call? Going to take all the refills away after the first refill, well how about a freaking phone call to say that? Instead of making me and the Pharmacy track down the reason after waiting a week for the refill to be filled...Why would I have to wait for something I had a refill for? Well because my doctor went into my file and took away all the refills without making a note as to why, or for what reason, or any instructions to me or the pharmasist about what I needed to do next .
Just gone, no notice.
You know what? That shit is not cool.
Do you think the grrrl taking xanex at night to sleep is going to get a little panicked when after months of everything is OK, and you are doing great...You take away my ability to sleep? You think that might make someone who is dealing with ANXIETY feel a little STRESSED out?
Hmmmm, I wonder.
I need help with this matter, and I will get it. It may not be xanex. It may be some other way to really long term solve my real problem. I can't realx. EVER!
So instead of wanting to turn it off, I need to put the pedal to the metal...I need to burn rubber on my own.
I don't want your freaking medication. I want to be CURED.
Help me solve that problem, then I'll not ever need a vacation in a pill again.
How about that?
So...I have to go do this thing, and get my huge assed day done...and not snap and start eating small children live or committing random acts of Buggy violence at Costco later.
Living with integrity is a really hard thing to do.
When you live this way you must face facts as you know them, and move within those confines.... Being willing to take risks, not be perfect or even right, not knowing what I don't know...And living in the present...Not the old self that says..."You have a past with this or that"...So shit Sherlock, we all have issues...
That's why I must go and tell the truth about my feelings again.
I know that was not the wrong way to deal with this, and my advocate will take care of the business of humanizing Heather for the Medical Masses. All I have to do, is get myself to the office, and tell the truth, my truth.
I'll see what happens, I am sure that it will be an educational, moment for at least one of us.
(myself and the Doctor)
Yours in the struggle to become more than what is allowed, and being the change I want to see in this world,

Sunday, January 29, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote of the day
"When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation -- it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams."

Les Brown
Good Sunday Morning to you all,
I have another Jam packed
action filled day.
I am working on a new showing...and getting press releases written up, taking pictures, finishing up smaller works (I have more magnets almost ready...I'm just launching a warning shot over the bow...let me get them up... and I will soon! some of them are still sticky...*grins*... you know who I am talking too...)
spending money I don't have on new mattresses for the little ones, (OMG! so expensive!) that they have needed for at least a month or more, and getting the rest of the data out of my old computer...(OMG! that thing is slooooowwww)
and trying to catch up on my housework.
(please, let's say you just pull off my fingernails one by one with pliers instead...ok?)
All that and I started my period this morning...Isn't that sunny?
Next time round...I call dibs on the boy parts, I get to be the boy next time...being a grrrl sucks three out of every 28 days...the rest of it I'm cool with, but this...this is just over the top in my department of stupid things to deal with...Ok...bitch-a-palooza over...but I mean really what was the Universe thinking? Twisted sense of humor if you ask me.
Suck fest...gimme the chocolate....That's My Heating Pad----> Get the Midol! Get back Jack! Grrrrrrrr.
So hopefully, I will be constantly reminded by my crippling crampy backpain, that I am but a humble mortal, and that raging against my machine will only make it worse....but sometimes, a grrrl has to get it out, ya know?
So again my feet hit the floor
running ahead...and I will be back home sometime this early evening.
May I be granted the grace and wisdom I most need to make today as successful as humanly possible. May I be granted the gift of art sales, please for the love of all that is holy....oh, sorry, I'll put the drama queen away...that one is always running around pulling a Fay Rae, and screaming for white horses, this is her favorite monthly holiday...I'll take her heels away, that'll slow her down...
have a great one today.
Much Love!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote (s) of the day
"If a man is crossing a river and an empty boat collides with his own skiff, even though he be a bad-tempered man he will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat, he will shout at him to steer clear. If the shout is not heard, he will shout again, and yet again, and begin cursing. And all because there is somebody in the boat. Yet if the boat were empty, he would not be shouting, and not angry. If you can empty your own boat crossing the river of the world, no one will oppose you, no one will seek to harm you.... Who can free himself from achievement, and from fame, descend and be lost amid the masses of men? He will flow like Tao, unseen, he will go about like Life itself with no name and no home. Simple is he, without distinction. To all appearances he is a fool. His steps leave no trace. He has no power. He achieves nothing, has no reputation. Since he judges no one, no one judges him. Such is the perfect man: His boat is empty."

Chuang Tzu
"Bodhidharma: Even if a buddha or bodhisattva should suddenly appear before you, there's no need for reverence. This mind of ours is empty and contains no such form. Those who hold onto appearances are devils. They fall from the Path. Why worship illusions born of the mind? . . . The basic nature of a buddha has no such form. Keep this in mind, even if something unusual should appear. Don't embrace it, and don't fear it, and don't doubt that your mind is basically pure. . . . Also at the appearance of spirits, demons, or divine beings, conceive neither respect nor fear. Your mind is basically empty. All appearances are illusions. Don't hold on to appearances. If you envision a buddha, a dharma, or a bodhisattva and conceive respect for them, you relegate yourself to the realm of mortals. If you seek direct understanding, don't hold on to any appearance whatsoever, and you'll succeed. . . . The sutras say, "That which is free of all form is the buddha." Disciple: But why shouldn't we worship buddhas and bodhisattvas? Bodhidharma: Devils and demons possess the power of manifestation. They can create the appearance of bodhisattvas in all sorts of guises. But they're false. None of them are buddhas. The buddha is your own mind. Don't misdirect your worship."

Good Saturday Morning,
I am in prayer today and will remain that way until Monday.
I have many things to do, and many places to be, and many miles to go before I sleep again...so I plunge ahead, I turn off the phones, I meditate, I pray to my inner divine being as I ask for understanding, patience, and conspiracy. For the next two days I will worship my spirit, I will reward my soul, for being what it is.
So, I am built for the long haul...Got good tread left on the old tires, and my trunk is empty.
Wind in my hair...Sun on my back, bugs on the shield...
I ride...
"whispering, as I was driving, quietly the car was rolling like a bullet" ~End of the World soundtrack
I am not empty...I am full..
I am ready.
Today I work.
I pray.
I accept what is
make plans to change what I can.
I will warn the oppressed, and help the misunderstood.
Or maybe I'll just try...Keeping it simple...See you on Monday...have a great Weekend...
and go out and live
like it's your last ten seconds...
because it is...and it isn't
and that's just how it should be...
Intragal theory says...
everything is already perfect.
I guess it is all in the magic of learning how to love what you have...and not fight against what you want.
we were all born with a terminal disease...
it's called birth.
Create Joy!
yes, I mean now....go!
Love to all,
PS...if your still here...You could go shopping for something that will bring you joy for years to come...uuummm yeah, I mean my art...see I really like you so I've included a handy dandy little link right ---> here
so why not support a living artist today?
If not me...then another incredible artist that has art that speaks to you...ORIGINAL ART...good for the soul.
Buy Art Today
Feed your Soul.
PPS! Oh yeah, if you are a quote-aholic like me...fast scroll to the bottom of my blog...I added a new thingy that scrolls a bunch of great quotes and has over 15,ooo quotes in it...on a rotating basis...of course...it's cool check it out.
:) Be well, H

Friday, January 27, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty art studio
Quote for the day
About time, and changing his clock on October 28, 1962, he wrote: "Time has its own dimensions, and neither the sun nor the clock can encompass them all. All we can do with the astronomical absolutes of time is note them, divide them as we please, and live by them in our daily routines. Beyond that, our own emotions, our hopes and fears, our worry and our relief, shape not only our days but our hours with only casual regard for absolute or arbitrary time. The busy day can be brief, the suspension hour endless. Who can prove, by any clock ever devised, that time on occasion does not stand still? The interval between heartbeats can be a terrifying eternity, and the pause between two spoken words can shape the dimensions of all our tomorrows. Time is all around us, the time of the hills, the time of the tides, the lifetime of a man or a tree or an insect. We participate in time, try to shape it to our own necessities; but when we change the clocks we aren't changing time at all. We are playing with figures on a dial that denotes but cannot alter the flow of forever."

Hal Borland
Ok...time, it has been standing still
stopping on a dime
pulling a u-turn
flipping a bitch
on me, is it really Friday already?!
Being that I am an expert
in the three point turn...
I seem to "make" it...as long as I don't over think everything,
my biggest problem is learning how to deal with this
very straight and narrow
thinking in reference to time.
I need about 12 more hours than I get everyday...
I can't get it all done...Ever.
Laundry, bills, kids, house, food, my two full time companies...My Mate Man, and then if I am really freaking lucky
My artwork is stalling, because of my damn hands being so swollen,
I don't know where you are, but here in Oregon it's rained
(not just regular drizzle either... It's been raining Freaking torrents)
36 out of the last 39 days...Landslides, washed out roads, flooding, falling trees, and we can't walk around the backyard, because it's so soft you sink 4" with everystep...like walking on a giant sponge.
Stress isn't good for me...makes me batty after awhile...I need a fair amount of alone time, to remain sane...and I find as I age, that I have become decidedly low maintenance and almost anti-social. My friends know that I may go a week or two without talking to them, but that doesn't mean that I don't want/need them...but I am really freaking busy, Really, Really Busy. When I get those stolen moments...That down time when I write or create artworks...that's like going to church for me...if my work were a religion...I would be considered a very religious person.
My point being...and yes I had one...is that as I age, I find that I don't have enough time...ever and at the same time...I feel as if I have been waiting on the big shift...Waiting
sniffing upwind
like I have always been here for a reason.
I have a powerful Mission.
I came here with one, I have always been opening everydoor,
not knowing when it might be
"the" one...
my dawn.
I am getting tired...you know weary in the bones
of waiting on a change
that seems too long in coming.
Change for all of humanity on every level.
I came here with a message, I came here with a purpose, I came here to be...more.
I know, I know... be the change...yeah I got it...and I am being the change I want to see manifested. You have to really belivef in something before you can manifest it...and humanity seems so bleak sometimes...so bereft of a soul...Children being killed and raped in Africa...the State of our Union, money, greed, evils of ease.
I just want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, never go outside my house walls again, and just shut it all down...
please hit the lights on your way out...Heather has left the building.
The fact is that I wake up each and every fucking day,
with the same Mission.
3,2,1... Launch....Ummm Huston?...we have a problem.
I get up and I know there is something I need to do...I am driven everyday to find out what it is.
Curios George and all that yellow hat business...
Somedays it's my work, somedays it's being Mom, somedays, it's writing this blog everyday, just doing it...sometimes it's a number of other things...
but the FACT, the most important FACT is that I wake up each day at all.
Every day above ground is good.
I wake up, and I have a reason for doing it.
I have a reason for good days,
I have a reason for bad days,
I have a freaking reason...lots of them, and they vary between themselves as needed.
The Hard for me thing is the patience part...I am not patient...not even close.
I can keep that to myself, I can hide it very well, but it's there...this simple foot tapping, let's kick some ass
I am tired of waiting, it's pretty simple.
Hello universe, It's me...Heather...I was just wondering, you think you could send some opportunity my way...Something I can sink my teeth into...Something I can mold
maybe now, maybe never...But just send some.
I am ready, I am ready.
I need a sign.
I am asking for a sign that you have heard this, a sign that could only be provided for by something as large as yourself...My vibrational/energetic
I seek only truth, I seek only what is best for myself, my family and the family of man as a whole.
I seek to understand the magic of understanding.
I seek.
I am ready.
Thanks to all for your time and energy this morning...when it's not in my head it's not as powerful over my every thought and action during my waking moments...
and I need to keep it real.
I love all my peeps..a shout out to all that I might have missed in the last couple of days...you know who you are...
Love to all,

Thursday, January 26, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog

BAD! Kitty art studio
Quote for the day
"If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time-not tomorrow, nor next year, nor in some future life after we have died. The best preparation for a better life next year is a full, complete, harmonious, joyous life this year. Our beliefs in a rich future life are of little importance unless we coin them into a rich present life. Today should always be our most wonderful day. "

Thomas Dreier
Here's to today being our most wonderful day yet!
Love to all, Heather

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

BAD! Kitty New Art Magnets! Check them out!

Click on pictures to enlarge
The Dream Collection: (pictured above)
Breath it all in: (lower top picture) $7.50 + Shipping SOLD! It's Miss Pinky's Now!
Mr. Sunnyside Buttons (at the very bottom set of 2) $4.50 for the set + shipping
Dreaming Good Old Days: $10.00 + shipping
Sweet Dreams: This one has a tag that hangs from the bottom, it's just not dry yet...I'll show it later...$17.50 + shipping SOLD! 15 minutes after posting! Damn that is a new land speed record Miss Pinky! You just bring that Micro Jet up, we will paint the town red!
Thank you for your support!

Imagine: $ 12.00 + Shipping SOLD! To Miss K! Thank you for your suport! OMG! Great art day huh? so...now only two left of the collection...
BAD! Kitty Art Studio...New art magnets...yep I'm still crazy for magnets...I'm still turning them out, every so often... I have also started making lots of buttons...They look great in other artwork as part of collage or mixed media projects and totally cool sewn onto hats, purses, lapels and so on. I make these out of the left over scraps of clay from other projects...And I use the buttons on my art dolls and mixed media creations...So I have another batch ready to go...And those of you that collect these...I'm not naming names, you know who you are...They never last long, and most often go all at once, so grab yours today!
I love making these, because I make them when I am not thinking...Just hands and clay and tools and inks...And just playing. Lots don't turn out...It takes awhile to get a bunch that feel like they belong together...My Mate Man thinks I should mount and frame them...I think I'll just let you make the call...I like the fine art for the fridge thing..So I'm going with it.
Have a great day,
Only two left after just two hours...you guys rock! Thanks so much!

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote of the day
"If anyone wants to understand the course of man on earth, he must consider the fact of the long pause, three million years on the level of savagery, ten thousand years on the level of dependence on the fruits of hand labor, and a hundred or a hundred and fifty years of sudden sharp rise. One hundred or 150 years is the time included in what we call progress in man's history."

E. Parmalee Prentice
When I take the time to think about how far I have come as a Human Being in the last three years...I see that my evolution is just really beginning. I am working on this new body of work, as I move through each piece, knowing I'll be at this for the next year is exciting and daunting...It took 9 months to paint the Fairy World Collection...And at the end of it...I was hating fairies...I never wanted to see a fairy again...Screw fairies...
(*repenting artist...I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!)
it seems that they are paramount part of my work now... I try to stick wings on everything now...As soon as I was done with the 13th one...
I painted Secrets...in twenty minutes...I had the background done...and it was dry and Secrets came out of a moment of pure Joy when I had finished Fairy World...and it was twenty minutes before anyone would be home...and I had just gotten a call...Literally moments after I decided I was really, really done with Fairy's... From the City Hall telling me that one of other paintings had been picked by the Susan G Kormen Breast Cancer, race for the cure local art show called Up close in Pink...And I got into the show with "The New One" and the Mayor liked my work enough to find me at the opening and tell me personally...I LOVE Portland's Mayor...But I am old school and remember way back to when he was the cities police chief...And the first one in the country to march along side his newly outed daughter, in my first Gay Pride March...Too cool...Anyway...He really made the night special by sharing time with me, and I felt like I was on cloud nine the entire time. Secrets was painted in that 20 minutes, and to this day is still my most favorite work to date...It sold before it was dry...Powerful proof of the magic of creation!
(You can see pictures on my web site here or some are in my photo section here at ZaadZ)
Today I am working on the last details of the commissioned work...And finishing details on the new stuff I have ready to be detailed...I work on three projects at a time...If you were wondering...Short attention span, and I like keeping it fresh...I move from one work to the next all day long...
just like the blog...7 days a week 365 days a year.
Promises made to self...And promises kept...
terrific inner power tool...
So my work is so different than what I did last year...And yet still the same...
Today I work, I discover, I share the knowledge that I gain by being quiet all the time...And move on upstream.
Yours in the flow,

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote of the day
"This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy."

Susan Polis Schutz
Doing and not talking is something I am learning to take very seriously. It's interesting to me that the more transparent my life becomes, the more emotionally private/safe I feel.
I think less, and do more.
Well....I don't really think less, I probably think more now than I ever did in the past...It's a jumble of Old Stuff, and New Stuff, and What if Stuff...I guess the biggest difference in my thinking processes is now I really think, & I get so anxious somedays I want to scream sometimes...Have a hissy fit...Get Bitchy...Throw heavy things that have a satisfying breaking sound when they hit the wall.
The fact that I never lived a life prior, where it was ever OK for me to do any of those things...get mad...yell, scream and throw things...I was a lady...So the nicer I get...The madder I really am.
Well trained to mask my true inner feelings...And pretend...Molten lava running through my guts, anger, pain, fear, anxiety, the surface of my skin glossy and unmarked by the heat just under the crust of fires past...New land built over the old.
I still battle with anxiety, depression, self abuse...And I battle it by living with it,
embracing it, loving it...For the struggle of my spirit to break all binds...The a sign of a real life, within.
I fight against the old stuff with my focus, intentions, and actions. The universe conspires with me, everytime I do the right thing...Instantly. That's OK, your belief in these miracles, my blessings, is not necessary for them to continue...I trust it now, I trust me.
If I get overwhelmed by my inner turmoil, I create, go for a walk, talk about it, ask questions, write, make an action plan, set goals, and move baby, MOVE on them. Even when I choose wrongly...I just jump now..Into life, into action, into the chaos, into the pain, into the love...Both feet in.
It becomes fuel...I speak my mind these days...Not always a brownie point winner, and definitely not in the etiquette classes I took as a young woman...Grooming...It's all social bullshit.
Gender isn't an issue as much as we make it.
Human beings have feelings, Human beings are fucked up, Human beings hurt others. Male and Female...Being brought up in the deep south, and being well groomed, I learned how to be a diplomat, a server, a slave, something that would be owned by another human later in life...Some Man's Wife and breeding program.
Because of my gender, and life experiences with other humans thus far in this life...I find that the most destructive force in my old self...The skin I still shed, is that I was plagued by the deadly disease, that most crippling of all emotional follies...Being an easy going personality.
I used to say yes, all the time.
I used to say, OK...It could be worse.
I used to make excuses, justify, tell lies, dismiss.
I don't do those things anymore.
If I am unhappy, I share it.
If I don't want to do something...I don't do it.
I don't expect Mate Man to keep me happy.
I don't expect my kids to please my every whim.
I don't excuse bad behavior from anyone anymore, in private or in public.
I didn't just become mega bitch one day...It's not anything like that. I just started saying no to a life of service where I never felt the service circle come fully round into a object that containes love.
Reality is Perception.
Yes, I said it backwards...But it's true.
Now I say no to people, places and things that make me feel badly about myself, or place me in really uncomfortable situations later.
When someone hurts me, I say ouch right away.
When I feel there is an injustice being done, publicly or privately, I throw myself into the ring.
Money isn't everything...I turn down clients all the time...WTF!? You all say...You turn away business? Yep.
If I don't want to do it...I don't.
The people I do decide to work with...It's not because I like them or not...It's about talking and actions taken. Put your money where your mouth is...I will give every single Human an opportunity to show themselves or not to me...I will work with the stubborn, the willful, the system buckers...The abused, the confused, the beaten down.
I will not work with someone who thinks I am the next
Adkins Diet for their emotional health.
I can't make them happy...They have to want that for themselves. If there is no desire for real change...A thirst for new knowing...Then there is nothing I can do for you.
You have to come to this life with at least one thing
that marks the spot
that is you.
I will work if you do too, but I am not offering a quick easy
sweating to the oldies
program here.
If you want a better life, I can help you get one...If you just want to lose 10 pounds...Replace this blog with two bowls of special K...It'll be gone in a week.
If you want a life of meaning, you have to first be a Human of meaning
motivated to becoming more.
I am an imperfect Human who had spent years
being in a coma...A walking, talking, breeding, sexing,
coma patient.
"The sleeper has awakened"~ Dune
It's true.
You can't unlearn stuff when it's that true.
So today I practice, I continue to work towards my own personal goals...And continue to be the change I want to see in the world.
I continue,
I am.
Where are you today?
Yours in the moment today,

Monday, January 23, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote for the day
"It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny."

Tony Robbins
The weekend has retired for the work week, and I find myself
at Monday all over again.
I got up early to make a list of things I need to get done today, and things that if granted favors by the Universe, I would like to also accomplish today.
It's a big list.
I will do my very best...And forgive myself for the rest.
Another day in paradise...
"paradise is just like where you are right now, only much, much better." ~Laurie Anderson
I was asked by a client recently, "why do you blog...I mean you show everyone that your not "perfect", isn't it bad for your life coaching business?"
My answer surprised me as much as it did her.
I am achieving transparency.
Being completely visible...
and not striving for perfection in anyway.
Living fully Engaged
does not equal perfection...
It achieves a life of purpose
continued growth
Being a Human that is growing is nothing to be ashamed of.
Needing help is nothing to be ashamed of.
Being transparent is true power, for me.
I had nothing but overwhelming thinking, non productive thinking...And now...I write to settle the beasts that live in my own head...I write to free myself from the binds that hold me, I write to show that I am not perfect, which means of course that I am exactly where I should be in every single moment.
I am in a constant state of
and it's one of the things about my
new life that makes me feel great
and keeps me going
and striving for more.
It keeps me asking questions.
It keeps me discovering
the treasure within myself, which keeps me inspired to keep
doing the work that I love...
creating art
and creating
in the Humans I am lucky enough to come into contact with.
Being transparent means if I get pissed
whatever, I share it.
It becomes not just mine but something
I give back to the world
after I interpret it through
my natural gifts
and centers of information...
I share it.
My success
my failures
my change.
I don't hid anymore.
I don't have two life stories anymore
one for the public
and one burning
in private.
I write it down so it's not just crap running around in my head anymore...
it becomes real
and change.
Lot's of days I'll write my blog....and then proof it and then post it....and then come back later in the day to re-read my own words...
so many times I am surprised by my own entry for the day.
I change my reality so often just by writing it down.
I don't have the same connections with the feelings that I did while writing them, sometimes, I don't remember writing them at all.
It reminds me that I really am in the moment...
because the moments go by and I
so therefore by the end of the day...
I am accomplishing
My life is an open book, not because I am into
"exposing myself"
or a tattle tale
or a whiner
or a martyr
or a slave
but because I learn through this process...
and it makes me a better human being
which makes me a better
So it's not for you that I write these words, but rather for myself and all of us.
I tell the tales that need telling,
they empower
and free me.
Which is in return
good for the world consciousness
and for me personally.
just one
this is mine.
It's yours to read, laugh at, cry with, share, scoff at, learn from,
and I give it freely
in service to the greater good.
In the service of Chain Breaking.
In the service to
myself, my world, my reasons, my goals, my life.
It's yours,
I give it freely...
with love
with fear
with full intent
with passion
with need.
I give myself fully to the universe...
and my place in it.
I dedicate to myself each day with my commitment to becoming more...
"I'm gonna feed you what your preacher needs to teach you" ~ Missy Elliot
And in teaching
I get to learn twice.
So no I don't think it's hurts my business plans to be authentic, and free of the binds that society has placed on what's private
what is
the truth.
This is my claim on
It's not so much that I divulge every secret as it is about
the fact that I committed to doing something for myself.
I committed to writing my story and getting it all out of my head...
everyday I work on it...
everyday I fulfill
a promise made
and a another jail door is unlocked
in the
of my past
and they are
all free.
I am free.
Freedom...Becoming transparent...Being what I am...
Gives me Power, fuel
Instead of weight...Dragging on my days here,
in this reality...In this moment eternal.
So...That's my answer to that.
I hope you all have a wonderful day
filled with discovery
yours in the constant pursuit of the moment,

Sunday, January 22, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ New Journal Pages ~

A Sneak Peek at what I am working on right now!

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Sneak Peek!
I am working on a commissioned artwork...I can't show you the whole thing...But I did finish the artdoll, that I am painting, layering, silk screening for her to live "in".
She is made from several different things....
papers, foam core, fimo, glass beads, feathers, tiny little screws, the fortune cookie fortune from the day I was asked to do the painting...
She will be living in a wonderful world...Where she can dance among the stars...She dances WITH...
the Universe...She is free...And she is dipping her toe into the vastness of
herself...The infinite,
the tiny,
that is her own making...
she chooses to dance
Just wanted to share...
Because I have been working on this for a week...
(this is the third one made...The other two were failures and fell apart...*grin* I love Evolution!)
And hard work should be shared, and because I love her...And the painting is coming along really great too.....It's been really fun to live with her and learn
Thanks to my recent reading... (Thanks Miss Kelly!)
I understand what she is doing...And why she is here...Yeah!
Speaking to myself...And the world in
my own visual dialogue...
see me Dance?
Join me.
Soul-Fully yours,

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote for the day
"His faith is no longer of any use to him. In fact his faith is only useful so long as he is veiled and has not obtained direct vision and evidence. . . . When that which was hidden becomes evident, when that of which he was merely informed is directly seen, the soul no longer derives any profit from that which it believes but only from that which it contemplates and sees. The states, the intentions, the goals which he had during the phase of faith are transformed. This transformation should be understood as purely inner. As to the exterior of this being, it is not modified even an iota. He continues to behave in a way which is acceptable to the sacred Law and commendable according to customs and natural law, engaging in the activities which conform to his situation and his rank among his fellow men. "

'Abd al-Kader
Arab mystic
Be Well and Rest Today.
PS. Didn't you know that every Sunday is National Buy Art From Heather Day?
Well, now you do...so why not go shopping at my site? I made it easy for you...:)---->

Saturday, January 21, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote for the day
"Here we stand in the middle of this new world with our primitive brain, attuned to the simple cave life, with terrific forces at our disposal, which we are clever enough to release, but whose consequences we cannot comprehend. "

Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
Again...My day so packed that I don't have time for a big post....I just have to go and take down one show, and move the majority of Fairy World into another public venue...And promote my work through writing press releases, contacting local buyers, agents and galleries, and finish my commissioned work....So I am loving you all...But this painter grrrl is turning off the phones for the weekend, and getting down to some serious work. I must focus if I want my goals...Sometimes you have to take a time out from some things in order to get others done well.
So I
Yours in the moment today!
Buy Art from Living Artist!
You Deserve the Originals.

Friday, January 20, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote of the day
"Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all of you are beyond the pain."

Cecilia Bartholomew
I am crazy today so I don't have much time to write... All I can do is say hi...I am working my Lilly white over here, and sometimes I feel like I am not moving forward...That I am throwing away time...time that I can't get back...So I am in the moment today...For I will be running from dawn to dusk, and I don't have to be perfect, I just have to do my best.
Throw away....And sort....And get rid of
things that no longer work.
"Letting go" as I was told recently...
Here's to letting go, and letting the Universe guide me to my
highest potential.
I just want to be my best,
that's not an easy task...
when you don't know what your doing most of time....
and seeking
the light.
Love to all, Heather
Buy Art! It's Friday! National Buy Art From Heather Day....dontcha know?Sheesh!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote for the day
"Approach each new problem not with a view of finding what you hope will be there, but to get the truth, the realities that must be grappled with. You may not like what you find. In that case you are entitled to try to change it. But do not deceive yourself as to what you do find to be the facts of the situation."

Bernard Baruch
While the days seem to fly by and each one gone, never to return, I find myself doing a lot of thinking about the future, what the current problem is and what I can do to "fix" it.
Fixing things is what I do.
I fix.
When presented with a problem, I kick into high gear.
When the wrinkles of life
get the sheets all rolled up in
uncomfortable creases
when pressed against
I smooth
the wrinkles
back into a more comfortable
place to dwell for longer periods in.
Smoothing out the wrinkles in life
for others is
what I have always done.
One of the life lessons I am facing at this moment is the
ability to separate myself from
the wrinkles...
learn to leave them be.
and sleep
above them, floating
on the softness
of knowing
that I am not supposed to know
how to smooth every crease from my life...
it is important that I have pain,
it is important that I do without knowing...
it is important that I learn to live within the wrinkles
and folds
and creases
of the world as I know it.
The day ahead is one of completion of projects started,
working with a few clients
to help them find themselves,
and reminding myself...
that wrinkles are good,
and I can choose
to snuggle down
turning round
and round
till I make a smooth spot,
big enough for my tired
self to rest
when I need
I choose how the day continues,
I choose how I react to the events
of each new day.
Yours in the moment,
PS! I have another art doll magnet to share, finishing the final details on that one...I'll post pictures soon, and I have journal pages to share, and...Of course there are three ands...I am working on a really exciting commissioned work, that is stressing my abilities as an artist, which will make me even better in the end...Isn't that fun?
"may I have some more please sir?"
Buy Art...You deserve the Originals.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

You have to read all of these! Great Info for the "in" crowd.

This I lifted from a friends web site just to give you a hint of what the rest is all about...You simply need to click on the header or HERE to go check out Insus's Blog and Learn Baby Learn, something that gets you off your ass and moving into a new place...want to change the world? Starts with you...look inside today, and be bold enough to let what resides within...come out.
Yours in the Quest for good Info...and even more importantly when I find a teacher worth learning from, to share that info with the world...be the change.

Gerard Bodifée 0102
Question: You started out as a scientist. How did you develop from there to being somebody who also has attention for the aesthetic and the religious, and who searches for bridges between these? How did this personal evolution happen?

Bodifée: It wasn't a personal evolution at all. For me it has been like this since the beginning. But there is also a social trick to it: as a young man it’s not done to flaunt your religious beliefs, but you can your scientific ambitions. And so, pragmatically, this is what I did. But my deepest inspiration, and accordingly also all my aspirations and ambitions, have always been of a religious nature. That is what moves me. The fact that I went and studied science was also driven by a religious motivation: I was moved by the universe, in search of ultimate truth. From a naïve 17-year old’s conviction that science was the way towards truth. I was looking for Truth with a capital T, the Truth of God. And of course, as far as I was concerned, all that out-moded religious stuff didn’t do it for me any more!

That was the opinion of a teenager. And now science has become the way. But in fact, it is the same search for truth. Later in life you can take greater liberties. Then it’s not your problem any more, you can foist it off onto society: I am who I am and if society doesn’t like it, so be it. Now I do what I think I must. And so I show more on the outside of what has been living inside me. And it has come as a surprise to most people that this has turned out to be religious in nature. And then people say: what a sudden transformation! No, not at all, it is only now that I am bringing the inside to the outside, which I couldn’t do earlier because society wouldn’t allow it. And I believe that this is still the case: on this point society is totalitarian and oppressive. So you have to act it all out in a different way. For many people, maybe even for most, it’s a close thing: the religious feeling gets so repressed and held back that in the end it withers away on the inside. That can also happen.

And then all that remains is just to go on living a superficial life. But that is a tragic impoverishment of your spiritual and intellectual life. I think I narrowly escaped this fate by bringing out what drives me at my deepest core. And I did this for the first time openly in my booklet called "In Principle" (in Dutch: In Beginsel), in the early nineties. I was about forty years old, and yes, by that age you can start to be a bit more like who you really are. And what anybody else thought about that didn’t really matter to me. But of course, it raised a storm of protest from all corners: "You can’t do this!" Also from the church: "You can’t write about those things; you are a scientist!" And in the mean time, you find you’ve been labelled by society. And you just have to live with that for the rest of your life. You are branded as a scientist, but then again you’re bit of an odd one, because you also hold beliefs. But that just reflects the inability of society to look inwards.

***Go to the real thing Here....read and learn and grow and share****

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
Quote of the Day
"Those that think that wealth is the proper thing for them cannot give up their revenues; those that seek distinction cannot give up the thought of fame; those that cleave to power cannot give the handle of it to others. While they hold their grasp of those things, they are afraid of losing them. When they let them go, they are grieved and they will not look at a single example, from which they might perceive the folly of their restless pursuits - such men are under the doom of heaven. "

Chuang Tzu
When I move you move. When I sing you sing,
when I cry you hurt, when I need you are available, when I fear you ae strong, when I loose you help me see my gains, when I fail you pick me up, when I am blind you wait for me to gain sight, When I can't trust you give me faith, when I am great you celebrate with me, when I am wrong you teach me, when I grow you support me, when I am sorry you forgive.
For all of these things and so much more...I love you,
my mate, my friend, my husband (icky social word I hate to use), my sex pistol, my heart and soul...I love you.
From this life to the next.
I love you.
There is no line.
My life is changing, it always seems to be in this perpetual state of flux...Living in the moment, means that my life is always changing...Some days I wake up and I think...What's going to happen today? For months that has been scary...And I have struggled with it.
I decide I didn't have to do that any more...Self control.
Today, I work...I focus, I stay in the moment, I have some faith...And trust in the Universe, and myself and my Mate and My Family...And we will ride through this time, we will grow from it, we will become stronger because of it, we will grow.
Love to all, I am off to work,
and create beauty where there is none,
Perception is Reality.
Circumstances change.
I am the reed.