Sunday, February 25, 2007

Self Possession


"It's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know
the unimportance of suffering,
I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside,
not to be accepted as part of one's soul
and as a permanent scar across one's view of existence.
Don't feel sorry for me.
It was gone right then."
~Ayn Rand
***
"There is much suffering in the world -
physical,
material,
mental.
The suffering of some can be blamed on the greed of others.
The material and physical suffering is suffering from hunger,
from homelessness,
from all kinds of diseases.
But the greatest suffering is being lonely,
feeling unloved, having no one.
I have come more and more to realize
that it is being
unwanted
that is the worst disease
that any human being can ever experience."
~Mother Teresa
***
Knowing that you are loved, valued, wanted in this life is such an important thing. Children need to know that their parents would do anything, go any distance to love and protect them. Young adults need the comfort of a family to rail against, and still be unconditionally loved through the madness. Adults need parents/family to accept them as they are, support them and empower them emotionally so that they may become parents/citizens that know how to lead in the darkness that is parenthood and life.
Knowing that you are loved and valued not for what you can give, not for what you "owe" for being alive and a product of coupling and genealogy is a most valuable thing to every human. Needs of the child if not tended to in an honorable loving way, lead to adults that have a lack of compassion and venerability.
Greed sets in, people tend to raise their offspring with a sense that those children are their possessions, instead of their gifts in this life.
Family...what does this word mean to you?
What do the terms Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Son and Daughter mean?
Is there obligation in those terms or is there love?
Is there respect for the differences that each of us come into this life with,
or a deep seated need to change or control them with those titles of power?
I am thinking this morning about these terms, labels, identifiers.
What do they mean to me?
Thinking about my thinking...
and taking my time on the issues at hand.
I am not an object to be possessed,
I am a human being that has suffered
the pain of abandonment again and again.
When do you say...enough is enough?
What could possibly be different this time around?
Why should I risk any part of myself at all...for you?
Issues that I think I have conquered
and losses that feel to large to bear in a lifetime,
but are none -the-less...mine.
Questions of my mind this morning...
knowing myself as I am today,
I trust I will find an answer that sits well
within my heart, mind and soul.
For today I have faith in myself.
I have parented myself well in the years past
and now arrive at the shore of my own understanding.
Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
A long memory of past behavior is also
something that one can not easily put
away like a worn out pair of shoes.
Past behaviors are the best indicators of future actions.
Scars are but thin works of skin
that hide the throb of the original
wound..ready to pulse again, so easily with
just a word, or a memory, or a communication.
I embrace my fears these days, I do not hide from them.
I embrace my own life-story, knowing fact from fiction,
knowing that reality is perception.
Today I am a risk taker and a
comfortable leader of an
army of one.
I am free.
I plan to remain that way.
This life is mine, and I'll not hand over my heart easily.
I'll not give away my power, hard won, to a title, or a label
from my past.
I am free, and I plan to stay that way.
This is my choice. I alone will bear the
consequences of my choices from this point on.
I will not be swayed by sentiment or obligations to ghosts.
I am free.
I plan to stay that way.
***
Treat each other well,
share your love with those who mean the most,
and have a wonderful day.
Heather
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2 comments:

Amber said...

Very powerful post my friend. Excellent read! I'm almost speechless actually. ;)

The quote from Mother Teresa really gets to me, as I've often thought that the lack of love is the keystone of what is troubling our human existence...and when I refer to lack of love, I'm talking about love for others and for oneself. There are so few people out there that truly love themselves and accept themselves, flaws and all. I truly think this negatively affects everything that person touches...clouding everything...seeping into everything...not allowing them to truly love others.

Save the World, Love Yourself and your fellow Humans!

Just great Heather, thanks for that. Happy Reflective Sunday! :)

HMBT said...

Thanks for coming by Amber, always nice to see you around! Yes I agree, to be able to be loved fully...you must first value and love yourself. I have learned my value, and I do love myself, it's hard to be so alone though...without fleashy folks you know? I have such high standards for myself in this life, I have learned that it's just not possible to have friends and family if you set those same high standards for others...they must place their own value, and expectaion on themselves first, then you can see if two people can become close enough to remain in the others orbit. It's a difficult thing for sure, and I get frustrated some of the time...but I am but a child of this world, this life...let me hold that sweetness in my mouth a moment longer and learn to savor the lessons.
Have a great Sunday my friend.
Love,
H