Do you Want Fries with that Stress shake?

Today is May 26, 2004

Dear Heather,
WTF? Go write in your blog and feel better.
Love,
Your smelly self
***
I went to see a therapist today
For my feelings of anxiety and slight
Boughts of depression.
He told me that I just need a new set of life skills and he would teach
Me how to mitigate my
Symptoms.
I don’t want to mitigate or any such thing
I want to be cured.
Now.
***
So, he tells me to mitigate
Stressful worrying
I need to start with
Setting aside a block of time to
Just worry.
Lets say we will start with a
30 minute time out to worry.
He says, “pull out a timer and set it for a half hour.”
“Then worry about everything”
“Add a dash of writing”
“And try to get it all out
At once.”
I was doubtful
That a half hour would be enough.
Then I thought about maybe
I could have a heart attack while
I was
Mega Stressing.
Stressing to the oldies
The 6-minute Stress crunch
Stressing Jacks
I said, “hmmm doc
That’s an interesting idea.
I will give it a try.
Thanks for your time.”
And I left.
Thinking about when
I would pencil in my
Stress
Melt down
Break down
Stress Management isn’t so bad
After all.
You just have to make time for it like everything else.
Sex
Paying the bills
Grocery shopping
Taking the kids to school
Oh there it is
My half hour
Stress attack.
“Sorry Honey
Not now
I’m right in the middle
Of my nervous
Breakdown
Go ask
Daddy”
***
Needless to say
I just simply have not had the time to be stressed lately
So I guess I’m just going to have to
Put it off a little while longer.
I wonder who is supposed to be keeping track of my
Missed days?
What if I take a stress
Convention?
Holiday? Sick Day?
WTF?
I wish he had given me some drugs.
At least then I’d know what the hell to make of it all.
***
I have been painting a lot.
And I like the results I am having.
I just wish that I could paint all the time
Because that’s when my brain rests.
I have seen the drug commercials about
adult ADD
I am sure I have got it now
I don’t need the drugs; I just need to make enough money painting
So that I can afford
To justify spending all my time doing it.
I love the feeling that
Slips
Slides
Creeps along
My spine and shoulders
My brain stops
Working
Analyzing
Hearing
Hurting.
And I can float
Along in a nice place
Where everything is made up of
Color
Light and
Shadow
Tone and depth
Emotional release and peace
and happy
Happy
Happy
Heather.
I love to paint.
***

I love to write too.
And words are like a harder drug.
I really
Can move into another
Apartment in my mind.
I just go in sit
Down at the desk
And my life becomes
Fodder
Inspiration
For the keyboard to make sense of.
***

I wonder…
How do you feel
When you are happy?
Have you ever taken the time
To stop
and think
to Feel
Drink in
The physical
Sensations
that happen when all of you,
your full
being is happy
under the skin?
I did.
Do.
I feel that way when
my kids and I are really
Laughing from the gut
When my mate is kissing me
In just the right way
When my friend(s) can really understand
And be present with me.
When there is good groovy music one the stereo in the car
And it’s sunny and I am a hot gyrl driving fast.
And when I am painting.
So I paint every chance I get.
I am admitting my addictions
To you.
Paint and Sun and Sexy and laughing and Understanding.
What a junkie…I’ll take it.
***
I think that I am winding down now,
And guess what?
It took me almost a half hour to
Write this.
***

Dear Heather,
We have conclusive evidence that you need to write in your
Blog at least three times a week, and
Paint PRN. Results of following our scientific advice, will be
A better state of mind
And a Whiter Brighter smile.
4 out of 5
Mental patients agree.
Just Today, Just Imagine.
Growing in Truth,
H