BAD! Kitty's End of the year Roundtable

" I Am"

by HMBT 2006

Laminated Collage

***

Good Morning the day before the Christmas Holiday Day, here in the states and elsewhere.

Whew! what a mouthfull...

OK, Hey how ya'll doing this morning?

That better?

*grins*

So round these parts we don't ever set resolutions or make set in stone goals each year either.

We tend to reflect a bunch on what the last twelve months have been, what we learned from our experiences and like a house of scientist, dissect what the real issues were/are in our progress, path wise.

In fact we take on missions each year as a group and individually. The group ones we all talk about, as the year ends but....the personal ones, each person can share or not as they see fit.

We love to think of these talks as a round table of light warriors. It's really great when the Earth's own light is at it's lowest to charge our inner lanterns up real good, before beginning a new year long mission...well that's a no brainer, of course.

***

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.
Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

***

We had one of those weekends, where people got used to being close up on each other, (again) with out each person having a given set schedule to follow and perform well at. Saturday was given over to going into the world and getting every. single . thing. done and quick, so that we don't have to go out into the world again until the madness subsides. Which won't be until after the Holiday returns and Super sales are made and had. Ahhhh the joys of stuff, of getting and giving more stuff...sweet capitalism...how it makes my ass twitch.

***

If a glimpse of the future is possible, it must come from an intimacy with the present clarified by the great works of the past.
Robert Kaplan

***

We Spent Sunday putting up our little tree, it's one of those pre-lit 4 foot tall, pull it out of the box and plug it in types. Really this works best for all of us...we don't celebrate the holiday as most folks do...we love giving gifts to each other! We don't buy anything except on special days. Birthdays, and Christmas. So, it's our time to have an excuse to party, and play at years end. The tree thing...eh, we can take it or leave it. We would never cut one down, anyway...we used to do that many years back...because that's what everyone does...set it up, look at it...take it down again...throw the once work of art tree in the dump. Ummm, after my awakening, I could no longer do this. ever. again.

That new choice happened at an end of the year round table...several moons back.

This year we have been talking about living. I mean the way we live, eat and need every day....money.

We have decided to build a recycled home that joins with the land instead of rests upon it. We have decided to find land and acquire it. Then we will work weekends or whatever and build a home into/with the land, one that takes care of us and takes nothing from the grid (power, water, ect.).

Then we will go live there.

As free Humans. Not slaves to the Grid of suck you dry til you die.

***

There are reveries so deep, reveries which help us descend so deeply within ourselves that they rid us of our history. They liberate us from our name. These solitudes of today return us to the original solitudes.
Gaston Bachelard (1884 - 1962)

***

We plan to start this project asap. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, then you know what happens when we make choices in this home. Things begin to happen...quick. That's just how we roll.

Plans as I said before, are being made, and well laid.

Last years round table brought us to the conclusion that we would never be able to buy a home of our own on the west coast. So, we loaded up, (after a years research and work) and moved to Kentucky. Land of rolling hills and cheap land, and so many other great things I can't even tell you.

OK, so now we have been here, we have found employment, we have looked around.

***

The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.
Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 - 1926)

***

Now we know that we do not want to wait for the housing/mortgage crisis, as a matter of fact we don't want a mortgage at all. We want a home. We do not want to be slaves. This years round table has been about that fact and what options are open to people like us, who have bad credit, not a lot of money, and weird ideas about green living not just being about slapping some solar panels on a suburban home. (not that that's not wonderful, every one should do it) We want sustainable housing. I am a farmer, I want to grow my own food.

After growing my own daily food for more than a decade in a city environment, I can't stand to drive to the store for lettuce...and fruit. Are you kidding me?

***

There's more to being an environmentalist than occasionally signing an online petition and mailing your check to the Sierra Club. Really the most effective environmental actions you can take have to do with crafting your home and surroundings, your workplace decisions and your investment habits.
Alex Steffen

***

So, we are going to build a home, off grid, out of rammed earth used tires.

Plans and research on the property, home systems (electricity, water, heat, ect.) are being learned and researched, and building plans drawn up for feasibility studies. It's our right as humans to use our power of money and choice to shape our destiny. The Trumans are all about questioning authority, and making our own rules.

This years mission to is learn as much as possible, and find land.

That's all.

Anything we get done more than that will be gravy.

Our mission of course means that we need to be in good shape physically for this undertaking. So, part of my personal sub-mission to to re-acquire my old strength as much as possible, for the hard labor ahead.

Groovy baby.

So that's it in a nutshell from here in the blue grass.

I'll see you all again after the Holiday madness...with new art, no doubt.

A special word of thanks to all my art patrons out there, you know who you are, thank you for your support of this living artists...your purchases allowed me to create for yet another year. Thank you for supporting a living artist, may we all enjoy a great return on our investments in the coming years together.

***

Hope is a state of mind, not of the world . . . Either we have hope or we don't; it is a dimension of the soul, and it's not essentially dependent on some particular observation of the world or estimate of the situation. Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, and orientation of the heart; it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons ... Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather and ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. The more propitious the situation in which we demonstrate hope, the deeper the hope is. Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel

***

I end this post with the best wishes for everyone around the globe reading my words...and those who don't too. We as a family, hope that your lives are all richer in the ways that matter most in the coming year.

Happy Holidays to all,

Heather

www.badkittyartstudio.com

When I was younger, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope still is to leave the world a little bit better for my having been here.It's a wonderful life and I love it.
Jim Henson

Thoughts on Memories and Spiritual Partnership

Good Monday to you all.

Before we begin, I'd like to start with a couple of quotes (per usual).

***

"Life is all memory, except for the present moment that goes by so quick you hardly catch it going."

Tennessee Williams

***

"We believe that the possibility of the future far exceeds the accomplishment of the past. We review the past with the common sense, but we anticipate the future with transcendental senses. In our sanest moments we find ourselves naturally expecting or prepared for far greater changes than any which we have experienced within the period of distinct memory, only to be paralleled by experiences which are forgotten."

~Henry David Thoreau

***

The authentic self is the best part of a human being. It's the part of you that already cares, that is already passionate about evolution. When your authentic self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than your ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle.

~Andrew Choen

***

Everyone recognizes to some extent the type that each is drawn to and they intuitively feel each other’s polarity, mentally and physically. Such types naturally gravitate to and recognize each other, so that out of any hundred people, ninety-nine might have no mental or sex appeal for each other – while the hundredth would. All humans should seek the type which corresponds to their own electric wave length. When types so find each other, they will be as perfectly balanced as sodium and chlorine, and the union should be enduring. It is a common saying that people should marry their opposites. Nothing could be more contrary to universal law than this statement. Everywhere in Nature, like attracts like. This is fundamental. Opposites repel each other. Opposites in temperament and physical patterns invite discord, infidelity and mutual degradation. Matrimonial mismating unbalances the blood stream just as certainly as promiscuous mismating unbalances it.
~Walter Russell

***

OK, here we go.

So Mate Man and I talk all the time. I mean we chat, we analyze, we problem solve, we say things that ride on our hearts when we need to. We don't fight, we solve. We talk it out with respect and rules of engagement, if there is a discourse in our lives. It's been this way from the beginning.

My favorite activity in the world is to be able to sit and talk with Mate Man.

So the other day, we were sitting on the back porch, late day, watching the sun set (another of our favorite things to do together, we do it daily, we also watch it rise together when we can, work schedules permitting)

and just chatting along. We started in on our ages. He's 41 and I am 38.

We were talking about the world around us, and what we have seen in our lifetimes thus far. What followed was a conversation that lasted the next three hours in spurts, had our kids looking at each other like "Oh lord here they go again" and only ended because we fell asleep, still talking.

We were talking about the inventions, social changes and political shifts we have seen or remember happening.

Here is a short (very short) list of some of the things we have seen in this life so far:

CD's

Personal Home Computers and the Internet

cassette tapes

shag carpets

designer drugs

pocket calculators

cable TV (I skipped school to watch the launch of MTV, it was great)

tampons and self stick pads

car seats

Starbucks

all wheel drive and disc brakes

seat belts in all cars standard

digital cameras

digital watches

touch tones phones

cell phones

2 liter bottles

automatic ice makers

microwave ovens

Ron Popiel

Vietnam and Nixon

We have never known sex without STD's and AIDS

Planned Parenthood

The Artificial Heart

The first space shuttle launch & I watched Challenger blow up right in the sky above me.

Star Wars

Close Encounters

Stephen King

Sci-Fi (really getting big in writing and pop culture)

Skateboarding

Snow Boarding

anti-depressants

ADHD

Organics

Chernobyl

The Berlin Wall came down

Tienanmen Square

The Cuban missile crisis (ending)

The woman's movement

Dr. Ruth

Wendy's "where's the Beef" ad campaign

Madonna

Gay Pride/Stonewall

The Human Genome project

The riots in California

Ronald Regan's assignation attempt

The hostages held on a plane in Iran

The end of the cold war

The end of the U.S.S.R.

The space station

The Hubble telescope

Nelson Mandela being released from prison

Margret Thatcher

and

roller blades

Ok, so that's enough for you to get the picture.

The whole thing was too much fun I tell you. And for the rest of the weekend, I just felt lucky to be alive and happy to have found my Mate Man to share this life with.

I know that I am a better person because he came along and wanted to love someone, not just anyone...me. I had to learn how to love and give love. I had to learn not to lie. He had to learn how to deal with love that was unconditional and unconventional. He had to learn he was lovable.

It's been good for both of us lost souls to find each other and grow this life we share. It's healed so many of the painful spots I had blackening my spirit.

Today I am grateful for the life I have had, good and bad.

And I love my Man. *sigh*

***

I hope you all have a great Monday...I am off to work on a new sketchbook project, the theme is love. I am making two of them and they will be displayed at the Darklight Gallery in February. I thought that because I am feeling so lovely inside now would be the right time to work on them, energy wise.

Love to all,

Heather

http://www.badkittyartstudio.com

Scroll down and see my two new works!

Self Possession

"It's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know

the unimportance of suffering,

I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside,

not to be accepted as part of one's soul

and as a permanent scar across one's view of existence.

Don't feel sorry for me.

It was gone right then."

~Ayn Rand

***

"There is much suffering in the world -

physical,

material,

mental.

The suffering of some can be blamed on the greed of others.

The material and physical suffering is suffering from hunger,

from homelessness,

from all kinds of diseases.

But the greatest suffering is being lonely,

feeling unloved, having no one.

I have come more and more to realize

that it is being

unwanted

that is the worst disease

that any human being can ever experience."

~Mother Teresa

***

Knowing that you are loved, valued, wanted in this life is such an important thing. Children need to know that their parents would do anything, go any distance to love and protect them. Young adults need the comfort of a family to rail against, and still be unconditionally loved through the madness. Adults need parents/family to accept them as they are, support them and empower them emotionally so that they may become parents/citizens that know how to lead in the darkness that is parenthood and life.

Knowing that you are loved and valued not for what you can give, not for what you "owe" for being alive and a product of coupling and genealogy is a most valuable thing to every human. Needs of the child if not tended to in an honorable loving way, lead to adults that have a lack of compassion and venerability.

Greed sets in, people tend to raise their offspring with a sense that those children are their possessions, instead of their gifts in this life.

Family...what does this word mean to you?

What do the terms Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Son and Daughter mean?

Is there obligation in those terms or is there love?

Is there respect for the differences that each of us come into this life with,

or a deep seated need to change or control them with those titles of power?

I am thinking this morning about these terms, labels, identifiers.

What do they mean to me?

Thinking about my thinking...

and taking my time on the issues at hand.

I am not an object to be possessed,

I am a human being that has suffered

the pain of abandonment again and again.

When do you say...enough is enough?

What could possibly be different this time around?

Why should I risk any part of myself at all...for you?

Issues that I think I have conquered

and losses that feel to large to bear in a lifetime,

but are none -the-less...mine.

Questions of my mind this morning...

knowing myself as I am today,

I trust I will find an answer that sits well

within my heart, mind and soul.

For today I have faith in myself.

I have parented myself well in the years past

and now arrive at the shore of my own understanding.

Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.

A long memory of past behavior is also

something that one can not easily put

away like a worn out pair of shoes.

Past behaviors are the best indicators of future actions.

Scars are but thin works of skin

that hide the throb of the original

wound..ready to pulse again, so easily with

just a word, or a memory, or a communication.

I embrace my fears these days, I do not hide from them.

I embrace my own life-story, knowing fact from fiction,

knowing that reality is perception.

Today I am a risk taker and a

comfortable leader of an

army of one.

I am free.

I plan to remain that way.

This life is mine, and I'll not hand over my heart easily.

I'll not give away my power, hard won, to a title, or a label

from my past.

I am free, and I plan to stay that way.

This is my choice. I alone will bear the

consequences of my choices from this point on.

I will not be swayed by sentiment or obligations to ghosts.

I am free.

I plan to stay that way.

***

Treat each other well,

share your love with those who mean the most,

and have a wonderful day.

Heather

http://www.badkittyartstudio.com/

Support Living Artist

Buy Some Art Today

Expecting the Best, never mind the Rest

BAD! Kitty Art Studio
***
Are your Expectations too High?
***

The cornerstone of a healthy life is taking responsibility for your own happiness rather than blaming someone else. By setting reasonable expectations for those around you, you can manage how you react to situations and minimize disappointment. This applies to all of your relationships -- not just with your lovers.

With Family
Family relationships are notoriously sticky. You've known your family your whole life, yet chances are, you're continually disappointed by the same things over and over again. Rather than setting yourself up for pain and frustration, try to understand how your loved ones will behave -- and don't expect anything else from them. If you know your sister always forgets your birthday, don't get your hopes up that this year, she'll finally remember.

It's okay to express your hurt when someone disappoints, especially if you can find a healthy, non-threatening way to share your feelings. But don't expect things to change. You can't control what someone else says or does, but you can always control how you react. Managing your expectations will allow you to bounce back from hurt and be more forgiving.

At Work
Most people want to believe that if they do their best and work hard, they'll eventually be rewarded. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. Sometimes you have a bad boss who'd rather point out your flaws then encourage your strengths. Or you're assigned a partner who takes credit for all the work you've done. Or you're employed by a corrupt company that overworks and underpays you.

If your situation is bad enough, you should make a move to a better job. But if that's not possible, you'll have suck up your unhappiness and try to make the most of your days. The best way to manage your expectations at work is to remember that it's just a job. Do your best to keep the way you're treated at work separate from your personal identify and self-worth. Make an effort to leave your stresses and frustrations at work instead of bringing them home and allowing them to effect your personal life. Remember, you work so that you can live, not the other way around.

In Love
From the moment you meet someone, there are a thousand different opportunities to have your heart broken -- usually because he doesn't live up to the ideal you have in your head. Women tend to have strong expectations for what a partner should be like, and when a man inevitably falls short, they end up disappointed.

The best way to avoid disappointment in romance is to adjust your expectation for each stage of the relationship. If you meet a great guy and he asks for your phone number, don't start planning the wedding. Considering the number of men who don't call when they say they will, it's reasonable to say there's 50/50 chance a guy will call. This type of thinking allows you to be less attached to the outcome: if he calls, great…but if not, well it's his loss.


Even at later stages of a relationship, it's important to let go of your unrealistic expectations. Your partner is not a fairy tale prince, but a real-life man with faults and challenges. Learn what those are and try to help him overcome them -- but at the same time, adjust your own expectations. In the long run, you'll both be less frustrated by shortcomings and more impressed with successes.

***
I have been working on this issue for years...I am a high expectation person. I have always thought that because I expect a lot of myself, that it's important to expect a lot out of those that I love too.
I have learned that makes for a lonely social life, and a family life that can become very bleak. Now... I think it's important to have healthy expectations of yourself and even our children because that creates a healthy tension. Boundaries are important for everyone, just as long as they are not over the top.
I also have been discovering that too high a self expectation level is an art killer. I can't think about being the best at anything until I have given myself time to learn all the rules of the situation and practice new skills... not judge myself too much while in process. The most important thing that this exercise has taught me is: art has no rules that are hard and steadfast...and I don't want to feel like crap while learning new things...talk about a mood killer! There will always be someone who is better than me and that is a good thing. We all need people to look up to, emulate and learn from.
I am cool with that today. I am also cool with people not being perfect, or living up to my personal standards...I am still not OK with people in my life that I have taken the time, trust and energy to explain a situation too, like "please don't ignore me it makes me feel unimportant. Just tell me how you really feel, good bad or indifferent, I want to know the truth always." To then have that person do exactly what you asked them not to do, because it causes emotional pain...I am not cool with that at all. But learning to relax around just about everything else and becoming more forgiving in the process has created a place in my brain pan that is more inviting for new people, places, experiences and things...I have room for life to happen and bloom now. That's a good thing.
So, what are your expectation levels?
Are they healthy for your life today?
Tell Me...I'd really like to know.
***
Yours in expecting a good day :)
Heather
www.badkittyartstudio.com