BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio

Quote for my day

***

"God knows that a mother needs fortitude and courage and tolerance and flexibility and patience and firmness and nearly every other brave aspect of the human soul. But because I happen to be a parent of almost fiercely maternal nature, I praise casualness. It seems to me the rarest of virtues."

Phyllis McGinley

***

We have three children, three boys...7, 8, and 16.

Being a Mother is the most important, biggest project/work, I'll ever do.

I don't see it as work, they are no burden to me.

All three make me so proud of them everyday, by being

the strong-willed, hard-headed, big-mouthed, compassionate, caring, open people, they are right now.

What I do have problem with is separating my own childhood

experience from theirs.

My 16 year old has decided that he still wants to be a part of this family,

but does not want to live with us anymore.

We have enrolled him in the same Job Corps program in Astoria, Oregon, that I went to and graduated from...And his biological father, too.

Being that it is the best of all the centers, in a wonderful government

(did I say wonderful and government in the same sentence....Check that)

program that when I was "in" in the mid 80's, was a program that was filled with Juvie-Hallers (judge sent them there instead of jail), runaways, the throw way's and the *homeless.

(*I was in that category at the time)

I made it, by the skin of my teeth...But I made it, and went on to be able to continue my education, and create a life...And then children.

I am proud and grateful of and for the program, because...Well it got me off the street, gave me food, and a bed and taught me how to be a "productive" citizen in this reality/world...How to work within the social parameters, they "finished" raising me.

Never in a million years could you have ever convinced me that I would someday be sending my own child into the program.

The entire system has changed, and it's not all the "bad" kids that go into the corps program anymore....It is still populated with young people who for whatever reason in their lives, can't do what they need to do in this world to make it, after they are out on their own. They are the system buckers, and the disadvantaged...and still some will be throw-aways.

I have spent 18 years working hard to give my child/children everything, every best part of me, and I find out...

sometimes love just isn't enough.

So after two years of trying everything we can to be as active, pro-active and reality based as possible with our oldest...Fact is, he just don't want to live with us....He still wants to be a part of the family, but not a burden...You know with all the parenting, discipline, not letting him smoke cigarettes or pot, not letting him quit school so he can make skateboards and sell dope for a living...And do all those things...And still live in my house.

So when the teenager tells you, "I'm going to do what I want to do, and you stepping on my neck or being involved in what I do and don't do...Will just make me smarter and sneakier. So, you're gonna have to deal with it...I want a family, but I don't want to live by your rules."

It has never occurred to me...To say,"well don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out buddy."

perception is Reality.

Knowing that he wasn't going to make it here, with all our expectations and requirements for being a human being in this house...We looked into alternatives for his continued education for life...Military school, Drug intervention clinics, Brat Camp...And Job Corps came out on top, as the best, safest, closet thing to living in my own home....That I could get. It surprises me how intense the feelings are about him leaving...I was 16 once, and I had no one, not one thing that I couldn't carry in a pocket...And I was "saved" by this program.

But I didn't have a choice.

He wants to go, because he thinks it'll be better than having to live here...Anything to avoid being accountable for his own actions.

Now he has decided that, because he is under lock down restriction, for being caught (by me) for not only smoking pot but going into a business with his "friends", and me ending that partnership.

So, he has been on restriction...Wow...It's horrible. He still has a room, and all his stuff... And food and people that love him, and are trying to help...At school and at home...And the counseling...

He asked me to emancipate him yesterday.

He can't wait for 3-6 more months to get into the Corp, being under restriction the whole time.

He was sorry after he said it, but he said it anyway.

He then went on to tell me,

that he did not want to be a burden anymore...So we should make our lives better, by letting him go.

Emancipation my ass.

Self-centered, selfish little creep!

I was standing there...Looking at him...And I was swept away

by my own inner tide.

Spiraling

falling

spinning

into my past.

This can't happening after I have worked so hard,

so hard to give,

provide,

protect,

grow this human

and change my world by being a

chain breaker.

I was going to make it all different for my kids,

they would never be touched by the pain of not having anyone.

I can love them.

I don't own them.

They don't own me.

I am still a human being with

principles

integrity

loyalty

I can't change that.

I am not defined by my role as a mother,

just as they are not defined by being my child.

This one...The oldest...He has always been...

mine.

I figured that out last night...There has always been this invisible line...

he is mine, and the other two are, too...But I share them with their Father...He has always been around, and they have never known a life without him.

My oldest and I made it on our own...

for years without him.

Lived through and beyond my illness, and cancer, and being a Lesbian, and being a business owner, and having a crazy fucked up family...At the time I was not yet fully an Orphan, and the fiends that I had in my life, while he was a young one...They were our family.

They were crazy, and wild and beautiful people...

we lived through watching them leave...One by one.

AIDS claimed 4 of the 6 in three short years time...Uncles of choice, gone.

The other two people...They just left...On their own accord....Awkward in their

in their leaving and not saying goodbye first...Just gone.

***

For this reason, he has always been My Kid.

A line I did not see until yesterday.

A line I did not want to admit or see or know.

A line that I erased.

He is not mine.

He is his own.

We are not going to be

together...

and for me it's a crushing blow.

Failure.

Perception is Reality.

I did not fail.

He is choosing this path, and forcing me down it.

***

I want to fix it, make it better, make him understand,

but he is

blind.

I can't turn the light on for him.

He may be

on his own

for real.

***

While I turn over my own past and try to clear my mind of old haunts and terrors...I have to remember that he never had any of those experiences with

me.

I have done my very best at every turn,

given

the

best

of

myself everyday

of his life.

The Chain

is

Broken.

I still have work to do...On being able to separate him from me...The me today...The Adult

Mother

and the little

girl that

was thrown-away.

***

Living in this moment sucks.

Mate Man and I

are depressed, and sad.

We feel dread at the upcoming conversations that we are going to be having.

We both feel strong about being

respected in our own home.

It's not something I am willing to be flexible on.

I demand it.

From all the humans that are inside these castle walls of

mine...They have to respect me...Or I can't live with them.

Period.

I can't seem to bend that way.

I live with respect

concern

and compassion for

others...

so I expect it within

my own walls.

I am the parent

you are the child,

boy.

So in closing...My day is going to be one of

contemplation,

work,

compartmentalizing

and Action.

***

Going with the flow...And swimming harder...Upstream.

Heather

BAD! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty

Art Studio

Quote of my day

***

"I am part of the sun as my eye is part of me. That I am part of the earth my feet know perfectly, and my blood is part of the sea. My soul knows that I am part of the human race, my soul is an organic part of the great human race, as my spirit is part of my nation. In my own very self, I am part of my family."

D.H. Lawrence

***

"emerges ahead of his accomplishments"

That's my jumping off point this morning.

It's Monday, MLK day here in the states, and well...I think for the most part, for a lot of the people in America, it's either a bonus day off...Or it's a hassle because of it being a weekday off, with kids out of school...But your regular life has to march on.

The robots that I use in my work, and my OCD with things all mechanical "things"...Man's attempt to become a God on Earth...Adams Steele reinforced rib...With great gas mileage.

I like robots for that reason...

Emerges ahead of his accomplishments...

Because our greatest accomplishments...

Are made by becoming

more

organic

animal

human

rather than

a sum

of organic parts

functioning

but not living.

Living...bink, bink, bink...

Living, it's so fucking stressful

and complicated for me of late.

I have to work hard to control my impulse to

slip

fall

slide

through the

fog of my

Factory Life.

I am a Machine

a Machine

of

Love.

I operate with

the precision of something

programmed

for LIVING.

A healthy mind

in a sound body

is not easy to

create from the scraps left over

from the assemblage of stuff

my organic

existence...My bridgework trail back to the

past

present

future.

***

Which brings be back to my point.

MLK day.

A Human Being Worth...Wealth...

a fine example of

an authentic

LIVING being.

An American born,

dark skinned

Human

Inspired by his

FAITH

in all of humanity...

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal."

Martin Luther King Jr

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse. The true with the false and the false with the true."

Martin Luther King Jr

think about that for a moment...

***

Being born and raised in Southern Florida...And now living in the NW, I see that slavery/race isn't a concept that has left

any of us, untouched...

Regardless of

color.

We are all economic slaves

fodder

machines

separate

small.

Dr. King...He was speaking for equality for all humans,

in America...On EARTH...

Wealth

Status

Position

Power

Apathy

that's what defines who

we are in the

ladder of life.

From the top down its all about

how much you have

not how rich you are

as a resource...

as a

machine

capable of being a human animal...An organic

combination of our ecological

evolution...

and

then...More.

As I look back over my experience being a darker skinned

grrrl, too dark to just be white, too white to

be

anything

else.

I understand from a perspective as Female...As a white female...As a white, female, human...

BEING.

Whiteness is not a color I see.

I love the color white.

I don't like it as a descriptive term...

feels like a

suit cut

wrong...And it's hard to

understand

the importance of

being

more....When everyday life can make you

feel so

small

alone

separate.

***

I also have a dream.

That America really can be

a beacon of indvidualism,

commerce with conscious,

beings with

varying shades of

skin

that function

together

as a huge Machine of

Love...

Adventures, Chain Breakers of the

Highest Order

authentic

and

truly

FREE.

I reflect on how MLK would respond to

being wire tapped...What he would make of our current corrupt political system,

where we grow up and ask to be put into the system...And are controlled by the real wealthy, the ones that control what we see, feel, hear...Taste...

to take care of us, and protect ourselves from the cancer within...Wait

he was in these situation! Remember that

White Guy named

Nixon?

Yeah...History...It's funky.

My son's are coming home telling me all about

the American History, that they learn

in school.

It's not the same history

I learned in school...But it seems to me...Like the great

bibles of the world...It depends

on who is telling the tale

and who is

interpreting it.

***

My point being that we learn from our mistakes...Good judgment,

comes from bad judgment.

In America today, it's not what's wrong

but what's right, that we can focus on if we so choose...We are still free in our minds, spirits and souls...That can't be taken from any sentient being...

As Marget Mead said,

"Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world. In fact, it's the only thing that ever has."

***

I am all for telling the tale...

I just hope

the

author writes

a

good ending

for this factory life

filled with

Machines

of love.

A good old fashioned,

everybody's happy at the end of 102 minutes...

American

Ending.

***

Living in the moment today,

and thinking not from outside the box

but from inside

the Human,

Heather

BAD! Kitty Art studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio

Quote for the day!

***

"I am absolutely convinced that no amount of wealth in the world can help humanity move forward, even in the hands of the most devoted worker. The example of great and pure individuals is the only thing that can lead us to noble thoughts and deeds. Money only appeals to selfishness and irresistibly invites abuse. Can anyone imagine Moses, Jesus or Ghandi armed with the money-bags of Carnegie?"
Albert Einstein

***

Good Sunday Morning,

I hope this post finds you well.

I have been so busy

the last week,

working to produce

proof

that I can let some of the

things that in

my daily life

that make me feel

not right...

that make me feel

like why am I really doing this?

My Work...Of late has been

Trying hard to create proof that I can really let go...

and see what happens.

***

Work is so important to me, I have always

needed to work.

Any type of work that was at hand...

as a child I learned to stay busy...

productive,

to protect myself and to

remain an

easily used commodity for

exploitation

profit

pleasure.

Working, was a way to

stay out of the way

and create physical

proof

of my worth and value.

Work was a way to become invisible.

My profits back then came in the form

of good days

when I didn't get hurt.

My required effort (read work)

was important in keeping those good days

strung together

luminescent, fragile

like pearls on a rotting silk cord...

keeping them together

for as long as possible,

keeping me together

for as long as possible.

Glowing and vulnerable

hanging on a knotted

cord

of

silk.

***

Working today means discovering

myself.

Becoming a full-time artist

was and still is

scary as hell.

Re-routing the neural pathways

in my brain

to turn my act of working

into

visual dialogue

proof

of my

being...

my worth,

my value,

my intentions,

and no longer

does it make me

invisible.

***

Here's to being Whole,

with a vision,

with intention,

and

to being

REALLY SEEN

in today,

Heather

PS: Please consider supporting living artist...If not me, then someone that resonates with you. Communicate to the world, to yourself...Feed yourself, feed your soul...and help keep feeding real live humans...that are struggling to remain

visible, viable, and worthy of the trade of money for

hard work

manifested.

http://www.badkittyartstudio.com

The Reign of Ellen

The Reign of Ellen
Check it out! I loved it!
Heather

Bad! Kitty Art Studio ~ Portland Oregon~ New Art and the Quote for the day...

BAD! Kitty Art StudioQuote for the day

andNEW ART!

Read on...

These two quotes below

are the motivation behind the idea I had for my new body of work...Yup, you guessed it...Trophies.

Awards for Excellence.

Not an award for performing a public act....

but rather I am making trophies for those quiet inner

battles, lessons, accomplishments,

that Humans have to go through in order to become more

than just a human being...

Classification, scientific theory,

the mere sum of your biological combinations...

to be Human and dare to become More.

I have more to say about this but...Here are the quotes that helped me figure out what the hell I was doing with this last 4 weeks of work...I mean everyday...Working , and it took 4 weeks to feel right...And to understand what it was I was doing in the first place...Besides playing, and keeping my hands busy while my mind expands....Growing and changing my being....Really art is my way of talking to my real self...She speaks in symbols , tone, texture, song, and impulse.

***

"The most important moral of all is that excellence is where you find it. I would extend this generalization to cover not just higher education but all education from vocational high school to graduate school. We must learn to honor excellence, indeed to demand it in every socially accepted human activity, however humble that activity, and to scorn shoddiness, however exalted the activity. An excellent plumber is infinitely more admirable than an incompetent philosopher. The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because philosophy is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water. "

John William GardnerAmerican writer & educator

***

To win the trophy of enchanting grace: Ranks of Carnations, to all ladies dear, Of whose sweet taste I write approval here, For these pre-eminent myself I think, As long as you don't overdue the pink.Ruth PitterEnglish poet, author of delicate lyrics on nature, love & religious themes

***

Trophies.

I didn't get many trophies as a kid.

I got a couple as a teenager for sports...Archery,

and being a power weight lifter.

yep, I had to conquer everything at a young age...

Girls don't do what?

OK...Well then I'll do that.

I was the first and only girl in my high school

to enter and excel in the drafting program.

I also was a dancer in the dance program, and

I was a young model and actor...

girls do...do those things...So I didn't find them

challenging enough...

I refused to take home economics...Or typing...Or cooking...

but Ballet was always and still is a passion...

dance in general...

hip-hop funk saved my life once open a time...

so did an opera...

music soothing the wounds and building

bridges into the world

That I now live in.

***

I was the skinny tall girl in high school...

I got beat up at home often...And had been trained by my Father and Grandfather (Golden gloves heavyweight champion in the 40's)

to fight...No such thing as a fair fight...

so anyway...I was always proving how tough I was...

I walked into the all male weight room, with all the football

jocks pumping iron

slapping asses

spitting

and asked if someone would like to help

me learn how to pump iron.

Baby...I ain't never been ugly...

but I was awkward and graceful

and tall.

So... I decided after loosing a fight with the local bully...

he went to far...And instead of just shoving and pushing and taunting...

he had touched me...

I had "lost" the fight in my mind because he was stronger.

I vowed never to loose a fight again, because of stregth, I would become stronger...and smarter...

I needed strength...

so I went and got some.

A few years later...When I was in Job Corps...They too had a smokin gym.

I again found I was the only girl out of 550 people...Who had gone in and worked out.

It was "guy" territory...

Gender has always been an issue for me...

I refuse to be less than any human...Always have...Gender don't matter

one iota, when your getting your ass kicked.

When my size was awkward at 16,

at 18 I was an Amazon.

I was no longer a girl.

I was a Grrrl.

The coach got all excited to have a female...Which meant he could then tour us and we could compete with other centers.

I was #1 heavy weight in females...corp wide for a year or so...but there were only five of us competing so...as far as grrls go...I was best out of 5...

I have the little ribboned medals still...

but I didn't win them for me.

I won them to prove something to everyone (the world)

else.

I was strong...See I have the trophy to prove it.

I was a pure, clean, simple,

human machine, that could dead lift 424 pounds.

Simply because I was made tall...

I never bulked out...

I was slender...Unassuming.

A Fucking Powerhouse

hidden...

explosives tend to

expose themselves

in their own time.

***

I have worked hard for years to repair...

to create a healthy human.

I have faced my mortality.

I have faced

aloneness.

I have faced demons, and

slayed them with the release of my

truth.

You don't get awards for

inner growth.

You don't see million dollar televised, red carpet

award shows dedicated to

who is

most bright

from the inside.

***

I need to award myself for all that hard work.

The need for something tangible to mark

my struggle,

and my growth.

My change that has spawned change in

so many ways, I may never know the full extent

of my reach.

So, I made a trophy...

for

keeping on, keeping on,

for the joy of creation,

for the power of living in the moment,

and as a testament that

self esteem alone...really can make your

ass look great.

I have more trophies coming.

This one also lights up...

to remind us all

the the brightest parts of ourselves

can only be discovered

in

the darkest

of velvet black..

black the color of all consuming...it absorbs everything around it...

***

It is also made completely out of recycled vintage objects...

the soda bottle is a coke bottle from the earliest days of production (read: I don't know the date)...Back when they sold soda water...

and a cold press plate from a 50's Polaroid camera....the bottle is filled with red, yellow, orange and clear broken glass...the queen top I robbed off of a Miss Oregon of 1953 trophy I found in a dumpster...she stands on vintage wooden spools, there is a 1960's Cracker Jack toy elephant....Many messages hidden all over the place...And the top is made from a vintage metal hair roller that I took throw away light bite toys and melted them into the holes....And then filled in around them with fancy handmade glass beads...The very tip-top is a pewter pepper shaker top from the 30's.

What is old is new again...

That deserves a trophy...That effort...So I made one.

Expect more.

***

I fill the world with my light...

here's to being worth

a trophy

for just being you,

just the way you are.

Love and light,

Heather

If you would like more information or pictures

(read: better pictures of this yet untitled and unfinished work)

or would like to commission your own trophy...

just contact me.

http://www.badkittyartstudio.com

BAD! Kitty Art studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty Art Studio

Quote for the day

***

And the little girl had approached the bed no nearer than thirty feet when she pulled out a pistol and shot the wolf dead; for even in a cap and nightgown a wolf looks no more like your grandmother than Calvin Coolidge looks like the Metro-Goldwyn lion.

Moral: Little girls are not so easy to fool nowadays as they used to be.
James Thurber

***

Little grrrls are not so easy to fool nowadays...

that's an understatement.

I am becoming what I am to be.

The theory that things "happen"

is not one I can put any faith into.

Everything is relative to what is

and what it will be.

The tiniest actions, thoughts, words,

choices

we make every

second of the day.

To walk to dog,

to feed yourself well,

to earn money for doing what you do best,

to exercise your body,

mind,

spirit.

Those are choices we make or don't make.

How can eating a Big Mac

or not eating a Big Mac

Change the world

or more importantly

change you?

***

I think about it like this:

What if you had all the "things"

you think you need

to be your best you,

to reach your most full potential

as a Human Being,

written down in a list?

What would be on your list?

New Job?

New Car?

More Money?

Better sex life?

More energy?

Become more intelligent?

What Things would you pack in your

over night bag...If you were going to visit yourself

in your vision of your "perfect" future self?

What would you need to do/take action on to get there?

The following is my personal list of what is important to me...For me to be the best me I can be...Right now today 1/11/06 11:00 am, Wednesday.

1. Healthy ruthlessness ~ Heather's Definition of which is:

being able to say No to things, people, places, or situations that I

don't feel motivated/comfortable about/with.

Also, being aware of opportunity...It's everywhere...And being able to reach out and take it when it shows itself to me.

Follow my heart...I'll be criticized either way...So if I see a way to the goal...And it's hard...I just lean into it more, dig deeper...To find/create the treasure hidden.

2. Pride of my Body ~ Definition: feed myself well, exercise, and generally love the skin I'm in today...Well... In simple English...I love my body because it's above ground...Everyday above ground is good.

3. Hope and Faith ~ definition: I am a machine of love therefore I will always have something to believe in.

4. Integrity ~ definition: knowing what needs to be done in the moment, and then doing it, to the best of my ability at that time.

5. Ownership of self ~ definition: I own the ground I am standing on...Where ever that may be...I am boss of me, and I will speak out if I feel the need, I will advocate for the weak, I will warn the oppressed, I will inspire myself to greatness, and clean up any messes I make along the way...Right then...Leave things to sit, and they cause stains...Clean up after yourself in the moment. I am giving myself permission to not be my "best", allowing for screw-ups and making good when I do...And I keep my promises I have made to myself. My internal Constitution, my own Declaration of Independence...My own Bill of Rights.

That's all...That is...If it's only a short trip...

What's in your bag?

Have a great day,

yours in the ruthless pursuit of

inner peace, wealth and power,

Heather

http://www.badkittyartstudio.com

Buy More Art from living artist,

you deserve the

Originals.

BAD! Kitty Art studio ~ Portland Oregon ~ Artist Blog ~Quote for the day

BAD! Kitty art Studio

Quote for the Day!

***
"I chanced on a wonderful book by Marius von Senden, called Space and Sight. . . . For the newly sighted, vision is pure sensation unencumbered by meaning: "The girl went through the experience that we all go through and forget, the moment we are born. She saw, but it did not mean anything but a lot of different kinds of brightness." . . . In general the newly sighted see the world as a dazzle of color-patches. They are pleased by the sensation of color, and learn quickly to name the colors, but the rest of seeing is tormentingly difficult. . . . The mental effort involved . . . Proves overwhelming for many patients. It oppresses them to realize, if they ever do at all, the tremendous size of the world, which they had previously conceived of as something touchingly manageable. . . . A disheartening number of them refuse to use their new vision, continuing to go over objects with their tongues, and lapsing into apathy and despair. . . . On the other hand, many newly sighted people speak well of the world, and teach us how dull is our own vision."

Annie Dillard
US author, poet, Pulitzer prize for nonfiction 1975

***

I've been out of commission for the last week...Due to my favorite toy in the world, my much loved 7 year old computer...Died. I had patched it, loved it, and used it to death...And she finally said Enough! with your OCD need for web mastering, art uploading and writing your book...I'm sick of it!

Suddenly I was cut off from the world.

I don't have a huge social life.

I found out that my lovely friend, had indeed crossed over to digitized heaven...and I was forced to figure out what to do about it. No way to connect with my "outside" world, and no way to communicate my "inner" world to the outer world...and no money to buy an new, shiny best friend/workhorse.

So...we looked into the different ways that we could acquire a new computer. We went into the large corporate run box stores...We were offered credit...We were offered many, many shiny, expensive things to choose from.

We both felt it was wrong as a family choice to take on another high interest loan, just to get back up and running.

A drain on the family monthly resources...and just going into those large box stores make my stomach hurt.

We decided to go over to a small, locally owned and operated business to check them out...Before we made up our minds about signing on the dotted line.

We only had a few hundred dollars saved up...Even after Chritmas, we still had this tiny little bit of money...I wasn't sure it was the right choice to spend it all now...Or take the interest free, no financing for 12 months option...And hold onto our little nest egg...That had taken 6 months of painstaking Saving to create...A family of 5 is hard to support on one income of less than 52,000 a year...Especially in Portland Oregon...The cost of living here is really high, if your not in a certain "bracket". We live on the fringe of that bracket...

So, back to the dilemma at hand...What to do?

We walked in Budget Computers in Beaverton...A small little place...And it took us about 5 minutes to meet the owner, talk for a few moments about what my situation was, what I needed and explain that I had an extremely limited budget.

We decided to purchase a wonderfully, hand built computer, that works great, was inside my ability to pay cash for it, and it has a warranty! We did not go out and contribute to the corporate stores, we spent our money locally, with a small company that really was interested in what I needed, not what they could shove me into, and they employee local people...That's micro-economics at it's best...

And that's what we are dedicated to doing

with our power, in this reality.

Use it to support the local community that we live in.

I felt great, (well anxious, but great) about spending the whole of my nest egg...But at the same time it's just money...I'll make more of it.

I also won't pay three times what I purchased the computer for in the end, and I have a real person I can call and talk to, and get help from that lives right here in my town...Not a call center in India...Nothing against India mind you...But I really wish outsourcing of American jobs would be considered a hate crime against Americans of all types.

Ok...Back to my point.

I did get a great computer, for a price I could pay

...Not really afford, because it ate up our savings, but we kept people employed, got a better than off the shelf box computer, and did not make another debit for the family to have to absorb.

I am so grateful for having the ability to communicate and work on my book, my art, my life coaching business...And basically that I am lucky enough to be able to afford a life that gives me what I need.

I am feeling the pressure of needing to remake that money, and have a savings account for our little pack of humans to make it in case of an emergency.

So I will work hard, with good intention...Making money isn't evil...It's how you use it in your life that is either good or bad.

capitalism isn't going away...But living within it's confines in a way that makes be feel good about myself...That's the hard part. It's just money, I will make more...The universe always provides for my NEEDS...Wants are my resposiblity. I want to give my kids every chance in the world to succeed...But that doesn't mean they need lots of "stuff", or even the chance at a "higher" education to make them great human beings...They need love, respect, and time....Those things don't ever go on sale.

The need to gain, or acquire things, is so unimportant to me, but keeping the lights on, and the bellies of my babies full...That's very important to me.

We all must work for what we really want...From the richest to the poorest human being on the planet. If you want the real thing...A real chance at being more than merely biologically alive...Well then that takes work, effort and risk.

This little band of humans...We are living on the edge of disaster...Skating on the edge of the razor sharp

edge of "normal" society...

and knowing that we will always be ready

for the unexpected...

because we are

always waiting for it to happen.

Looking ahead...Looking back to remember lessons learned...I see that it's just money...It's just work...Rewarded.

I am worth the reward...Because I give everything I have to

being the best I have to offer in every single...

peel the skin back from you face,

mindbending,

suck-fest,

moment.

Integrity.

What it means to me...

I have a set of inner bylaws...

they are my road map to finding

the way

to being

authentic,

to setting goals and achieving them,

to being the best Human I can be,

so that I can be the Mother I can be,

so that I can help to raise the best

ENGAGED humans I can,

and therefore add

to the world

instead of taking

more than I need.

Intention...

just fucking do it...

you know what it means...

yep.

Work.

Dedication.

Hope Eternal.

and then just

when you think

you have arrived...

you find, you have just

opened the door to

another new dawn.

"Never knowing when the next day may break, I open every door."

~ Emily Dickinson

I Begin again.

***

With you in

the effort today

to be more

and the realization

that we already are.

Heather

Buy Art!

http://www.badkittyartstudio.com

and because I am excited my personal advisor finally made her way to the web...Please consider visiting and supporting a great intuitive guide...

Sybil Ann at

http://www.sybilanntellsall.com

I traded some of my limited skills at web page building, to help her get it up...And well we are both happy with her new presence in the big wide world. I hope it takes off for her...If you want to become successful, help others to become successful. It is fun, and energizes to help create a change in someone's world.

That's why I encourage you to use your power (aka money) to support living artist, and small business people in your area...Or ones that resonate with you. It's not just smart for your wallet...It's good for your heart.

Have a great day!

And if you already know all the answers to your burning questions in your life...Then consider buying some of MY art.

That would be great!

Yep, that's Heather asking for the sale...Asking for what she wants, and having no fear to do so...or guilt!

Yea! For me.

Heather

Bad Kitty Art Studio Portland, Oregon - oil paintings, sculpture, painted furniture, recycled art, motivational words

BAD! Kitty Art Studio

Quote for the day!

***
"Now in creative thought common sense is a bad master. Its sole criterion for judgment is that the new ideas shall look like the old ones. In other words it can only work by suppressing originality. "

Alfred Whitehead

***

Yesterday was a blur...I kept thinking, and it didn't stop until

I finally took a pill and just went to sleep.

I try so hard to not medicate the

issues

TO deal with them head on.

Somedays...I do better than others.

The last month has been a blur...The holidays, the work, the kids, the promises made, the changes made, the challenges met, the goals set, the direction planned, the course altered, the pain, the loss, the understanding....The growth.

So...When things got really quiet...After the initial excitement of I have time! I found...Myself wandering...

what do I do?

Why do I do it?

Intention...

Living with a

reason

a set of laws that bind

the pieces together...

when they want to come apart...

and fall...

floating off like

discarded eyelashes...Unnoticed

till they stick in a soft spot.

***

My heart is heavy for the double loss

of the miners in West Virginia

feeling so much for those people who lost

not only their

people

but their they lost

miracle from their
God...

Faith is a special substance...

like shoveling mercury with a pitchfork,

it slides so easily from us, and when lost

we feel

empty.

Being an Intuitive and empath is a great gift...

and also a great burden,

with the knowing,

the knowing,

the knowing...

things I can't

do anything about.

Except say it.

I know how easily

we

can

fall.

So many monsters.

***

The changes shift

us outside our

own worlds.

Sift us from the whole,

the husk from the shell,

burn away the

knowing.

I am living with intention.

I am filled with dedication...

to help us all

not have to hear

no more I love you's.

***

I will use the knowing

as

fuel...

instead of being swallowed whole

by the big

wave.

I will ride it...My board

leaves a

white trail

thru the barrel

I feel the thunder

of

danger...Skipping

across the

waters angry surface

and still I

lean into the pressure

and

ride

like there's no

tomorrow.

My eyes are

open

this tale is my own.

I am the narrative

the

descriptive

the

author

of my own ending.

Yours in the

ride today,

I'm hanging ten...walking the board...

in the barrel...With the daylight in my eyes.

Heather

PS...I used to be a surfer...

so all the references to surfing... In this stream of thought.

I dreamed of

being a silver drop

riding, the glistening

waves, becoming the wave

and separating from it...

becoming more.

Bad Kitty Art Studio Portland/Beaverton, Oregon - oil paintings, sculpture, painted furniture, recycled art, motivational words

BAD! Kitty art studio

Quote for the day!

***

"The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy beauty, even one's own - even more, one's own, for that has been put in our care and we are responsible for its well-being. "

Katherine Anne Porter
***

Taking care of business today.

I have so much to do and so far to go before I sleep again...And I didn't sleep last night...Thinking...In the dark, tracing the scrimshaw, the lacy filigree of my past, present and future....The cut to fit, pattern of my inner eye...Counting heartbeats...Breathing in...Pushing the anxiety down...To that place that's still sticky, and trying to leave it there...Sometimes I just can't stop thinking...

and the worm turns...And my nirvana keeps running ahead...Calling to me...Sneaking up behind me, She taps me on the shoulder... And then runs again...Throwing me off

with a saucy wave, and a bounce in her step.

I have so much to do...

and time is fleeting...

Tracing the network of my inner state roads

I find all the road maps are still tucked

under the visors

of my eyes...

and still the dawn brings...

black and orange burn out spots

on the unpatroled parking lot of my

night mind.

Sometimes it's all so clear...

today I feel mole-eyed...

squinting at the world...And trying to make sense of it all.

With you today in the moment....Heather

BAD! Kitty Art Studio Beats the impeachment Drum...Again.

I ask...Where is your anger?
Here's a taste of what's to come
if we don't do what needs to be done..
Come on People, you can't say you feel better, look better, have more security, or better sex appeal since this regime has taken over...Think about it..WE THE PEOPLE...Remember that old thing?
I ask again...Where is your anger?
Need to spend five bucks on coffee today or how about 5 dollars for a gallon of gas tomorrow?
My 5 bucks is going here...Your choice.
Choose something.
You and yours or Them?
Who do you want to tell you what to do, think...Understand...For me it's no question...I'm proud to be an American...I won't let the current regime make me change my mind about that...I am proud of our soldiers...I just want them home alive...Another one was killed last night, another death...For what? Bring home our people...NOW!
Get the fuck out Buch &CO. we are done being lied to and used as economic slaves...Sit and twist...asshat. I won't do it...You can if you want...But you'll find me in the streets before I give up the right to say what I want, read what I want, sleep with who I want, marry who I want, eat, shit and sleep where I want...(you know what I mean) and pay for a government that I elected...Not the one that was placed in office. OMG! Look at the money....Just that one part should be making the entire country scream GET OUT...I just don't get it. Now it's OK with you?!...As long as it's someone else's family member that died last night, in another senseless roadside bombing...My love and support to every single member of our armed services...I care about you and the people of the places you are in...That's why I speak out...I would be all for it, if it wasn't all based on a lie...You shouldn't die for lies. You are too good for that. Too Good.
BAD! Kitty Out --->

More impeachable crimes revealed


Attempting to appear earnest and sincere, George W. Bush told an American people anguished by the criminal war in Iraq and the White House's trashing of the Bill of Rights that, Anytime you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, a wiretap requires a court order.

Bush, the incorrigible liar, spoke those words in Buffalo, New York in 2004, well over two years into a super-secret spying and wiretap program authorized by the President himself. The vast program launched on the American people was designed precisely to avoid judicial oversight - the need to obtain a court order before the wiretapping of countless citizens and non-citizens alike. You need not be the subject of any criminal investigation to have been targeted by George W. Bush and Dick Cheneys regime.


Under Bush, the people have lost the sacred right to due process, to the presumption of innocence, the right to be confronted by evidence in open court, the right to legal counsel, the right to make phone calls and send emails or participate in political protest without becoming the focus of intrusive government wiretaps and spying. While routinely spying on a large but still unknown number of Americans, the Bush White House has set up secret prisons around the world, has systematically engaged in secret and open torture practices and has engaged in a worldwide campaign of secret assassinations. (NY Times, December 28, 2005)

Nixon too thought he was above the law

The people must not and will not stand for this criminal conduct. This President and Vice-President, upon their election (or selection) into office, believed that they were given a special waiver exempting them from adhering to the Constitution and the laws of the land forbidding such a massive spy program. In fact, these high officials took an oath of office to uphold, not subvert, the Constitution and the cherished freedoms that belong to the people.


Bush and Cheney are acting with the same imperial arrogance as Richard Nixon. Twenty months after he was re-elected (in a landslide, no less), Nixon resigned rather than be impeached. Bush's impeachment can and will happen now because people are supporting this movement with great enthusiasm and with great commitment.


Today, millions of people in this country passionately support the ImpeachBush.org movement. In 2006, we will do everything in our power to make impeachment a reality. The naysayers never make history. We do not wait for timid politicians to lead. Throughout our own history it has been the grassroots peoples movements that took the lead and the politicians that followed. In the case of Nixons impeachment and resignation, official history only records the congressional hearings that led to Nixons demise, but those hearings were the culmination, not the beginning, of a grassroots peoples movement that spread coast-to-coast.
Keep the Heat On!

Join the January 6-9 massive Peoples Lobby for Impeachment
Between January 6-9, tens of thousands of people will use the ImpeachBush.org/VoteToImpeach.org web site to send an email or fax to their elected official demanding that Bush and Cheney be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors.


On these days, there will be an easy-to-use email mechanism on the web site that will allow you to send an email letter to your elected official telling them to uphold the Constitution by supporting impeachment. Even if your Senators or congressional representative are unsympathetic to impeachment, let them know what you think. If you think that they are potentially sympathetic, tell them to stop waiting and act now! We owe it to ourselves and to our children to speak up, loud and clear.


On January 7, impeachment will be the focus of town hall meetings and rallies in communities around the country. Send us an email and tell us how the event went in your area so that we can post it on the ImpeachBush.org web site.


The January 6-9 Peoples Lobby for Impeachment will be just the first steps of the Impeachment Action Plan to force impeachment in 2006.
New York Times Ad in January


Shortly after the January 6-9 Peoples Lobby for Impeachment, the full page newspaper ads in the New York Times and other newspapers will be published. Radio spots and other advertising will start to run. The ImpeachBush/ VoteToImpeach.org movement will organize or form contingents in hundreds of anti-war activities in cities and towns throughout the United States on March 18-20 - the third anniversary of the criminal war in Iraq.

In April and May, there will be a huge impeachment presence in the streets of this country.
We are succeeding in building this movement from the bottom up. Congresspeople including John Conyers, John Lewis, Senator Barbara Boxer and a few others are beginning to speak about impeachment. But the elected officials are some of the most timid opponents of Bush. If you consider for a moment that the Zogby poll of a few months ago reported that 53% of the people support impeachment if Bush lied about the reasons for going to war in Iraq -- and everybody knows he did - you would expect a wave of impeachment resolutions in congress.


But the truth is that in the United States, we must create a tidal wave for impeachment from the grassroots before the politicians finally act (it is the toxic side effect of corporate campaign contributions polluting real democracy and the Constitution.)
If you believe Bush and his regime should be impeached, please make a much-needed donation.


The NY Times and other newspaper ads, radio spots, printing of posters, leaflets, organizing demonstrations and rallies all of this happens because of the generosity and commitment of people who believe in upholding the Constitution.


Hundreds of people volunteer countless hours for this movement, others help by making a donation and some do both. By making a contribution for impeachment we build a movement that insists that the current and future leaders of this country be held accountable for their actions. If Bush can succeed in shredding the Constitution, a dangerous precedent has been set. Please support the impeachment movement today. We are at a truly critical moment in the history of this country and the time to act is now. Click here to make a donation.
-All of us at ImpeachBush/VoteToImpeach.org

Bad Kitty Art Studio Portland/Beaverton, Oregon - oil paintings, sculpture, painted furniture, recycled art, motivational words

BAD! Kitty Art Studio

Quote for the day!

***

How the heck are you today?

***
"Fear is nothing except a drain of energy and Not a power unto itself. Trust in yourself, For therein lies the true power." ~unseen

***

Yes! My kids go back to school today!

I have rearranged my new year (s)

daily work schedule, and today is the first day I try it out.

I'll be doing my "day" job in the evenings from now on...Leaving me TIME during these freaking short ass days to really get some work done...On my real work...

Creating things that represent my inner world/discovery/path...And the outer world I work hard everyday to help create.

***

We don't make New Year's resolutions...BAD! Idea for this kitty...Don't tell me what to do...I want to figure it out myself, but if you have some tools you would like to lend, and maybe SHOW me how to properly use them, well then...I am very happy to learn and participate fully.

I have an allergic reaction to authority, or being told what to do, or being told what I "should" be doing with my life.

I don't want some other person, place or thing... That I don't get to pick out first, tell me what my time is worth...What my value is...How much money I can make...Or what to paint...Or what I should wear...Who I should pray to...You get the idea.

Literally...I can not seem to overcome my unwillingness to

do or not do something/anything...If someone/society says...YOU MUST do it.

I am the only one that can boss me around.

I can allow myself to be manipulated,

by emotional bullies, and other pushy, not really "in touch with the REAL world" peoples,

(you know the ones I am talking about...The ones that just don't get the whole global "poverty thing" is the true evil)

and I can do what's needed in any situation...

But I still have to do it or not do it...

according to my own inner bylaws of standards and principles...Notice I said MY inner Bylaws...Not yours, maybe not anybody else's standards...But they are mine, and I control what I do, and don't do...Me...Not you, or the world...

just me.

***

Keeping it Simple.

***

I used to say all the time..."I'm not employable. That's why I have always (almost always) been self employed. I decide what I am worth (time and money wise) and how much I want out of whatever it is I am doing."

***

I have had a "job" for more than a year now...A record length of time for me personally...To be employed by someone else...Getting a regular paycheck...That sort of thing.

I work from home, true...But how many people can say to/about themselves...That they can get up everyday, and go to work...Without a boss, expecting you...Or whatever?

I have and am doing just that...

without any outside "pressure" to go to work...except for the pressure ofthe burning need for food and housing...

I go to work, and I think that's pretty fucking cool.

Because it's sure as Hell ain't easy to do it.

I am a self motivated person...Meaning, I needed a paycheck, the art wasn't making enough "money" at the time, and I looked for a way out of the financial trap I saw looming over our family.

I took a j-o-b...JOB.

GASP!

be aware that this is my...

Shock and awe....

surprisingly...I discovered,

a new truth about myself!

I AM very, very, very

employable,

dependable,

and motivated.

I have proven that...everyday.

Why do you go to work everyday?

***

Keeping it simple today to me means...

I change my inner dialogue to match

my outer surroundings...

it's not a superwoman cape..

or a fancy hat...

it's called survival.

I needed more income...

I went and found a way to get it, and be able to be

at home with/for my kids...

Tending my most important crop...My most imprtant job ever...

bring this crop of HUMAN Beings...thru and into this reality.

I like my Humans...Live and wiggling...

I have three more

Live Beings to add to the planet...

well...Really, I already added them...

now I am growing them,

encouraging them to become

more...

***

I have gone thru the ups and downs this last year of trying to work a full time job,

keep control over the sanitary conditions and food needs of myself and four men,

(who have always helped out a lot!!! Thanks guys, you rock)

raise 3 "problem" children,

(read...They genetically, and honestly inherited their Mother's innate hatred of being told what to do)

Keep My Mate Happy,

Create my Studio and my ART,

and still have time for me.

Well... There isn't enough time to do all those

things well

at once.

So, I didn't make a resolution this year...

as much as a dedication.

Time is fleeting...

life is whizzing by a million miles a second out there...

feel it?

I am conducting an experiment...I am the test subject.

I am re-prioritizing

my time.

That is my dedication...

to me...To find the time, to

take care of myself,

to live, learn, create, and share

that wealth

with

the world.

It's important...To me it's imperative that I find

the time...I need.

It's an investment.

It's involves risks.

It may not work out like I hope.

I might have to change my mind along the way.

I may not like what happens after I "just do it."

So?

I'll come up with something else...

chance and change...

I'll roll those dice.

***

With the children all tucked neatly away at school,

and a current new work that is obsessing my mind...

even when I sleep...

(I have decided to make myself a trophy.

A real live...Trophy...

yes, an award for excellence...

and it lights up too!)

I love it, I have started on another couple of ideas...

and now I am off and running with a new body of work...

and the wheel goes round...

worm turn the earth...Tilling under, making it rich again...

the quiet of

the chaos of the Holidays

(quiet because chaos is familiar)

brought me

a gift...

a new idea.

One that makes me sing inside when I "work".

One that makes me want to get out of bed early

and stay up late.

Ideas are my

addiction.

Watch out I'm contagious.

Don't get any ideas...

wise guy.

***

So off I go... to I hope, I hope, I hope...To finish my first

sculpture of the year...Made almost entirely out of trash...Garbage, throw away stuff...

like the old me...That used to value herself....

by a whole different set of rules...

What was old is new again...

recycle yourself.

Dare to catch your own

light

spilling

into

the

world.

***

I have come loose from my moorings...

Fabulous!

Now I can fly.

***

Yours today in keeping it simple

and

real,

Heather

Controversial Art

Controversial Art

BAD! Kitty Check it! Another incredible artist right here in good old Puddle town (Portland, OR. for you non locals)
You have got to see it, and read the commentary, this is a great guy...wonderful images...
so BAD! Kitty says...
three furry paws up!
Check it!

BAD! Kitty Quote for the day!

*****

Vanakkam - Tamil for Hello

*****

"By following this simple path, you become extraordinary, unfathomable, a being of profound cosmic subtlety. You outlive time and space by realizing the subtle truth of the universe. "

Lao Tzu
Chinese philosopher & mystic, founder of Taoism

*****

The wonder of it all...

I am amazed daily by the simple wonders of life.

The splendor of being different.

The glory of being fully

awake, engaged and alive.

I'm in Over-drive.

I am getting better health wise, it's been a rough couple of weeks, but the results are in and it's not the big C!

I am still caner free...Yipppeee for me!

I do however have chronic asthma, and what was happening, is a lung infection and asthma beginning to become a huge problem...But those are things I can fix, so I feel better finally just knowing that it can be fixed.

The painting above is one I did a year ago...

I was trying to get my "path" out of the box at the time.

I have held onto this painting, because I felt it was not a very good painting...But I love it still.

I love it, because it's so simple...

and in reality I am too.

It's good to be simple.

I am the path that leads out of the box...

want to walk on the wild side?

Well, let's go..

right there's the the exit sign.

Want you're life to be different?

Then Change Yourself.

It's simple...

Good Luck, on your paths this new year...

I'm going to keep following this one out of the box of social conformity,

and continue to

Keep it simple stupid.

Ultimate

Power

Lies

in the

Path of

self-control

discipline

being in it for the long haul

and simplicity

of

intention.

I am committed to

a simple intent

that is

PURE

straight from the source...

and

exploding from my fingers, heart, mind and

soul...

and manifesting

Change in myself...

Watch out...

It's spreading.

You might not want to

stand to close to me...

Something may start growing between us...

I'm infectious,

With

LIFE,

Drunk on Self -Controlled

POWER,

Heady with

Enthusiasm,

And Crazy from the

Heat.

I want some more...

Please.

Loving being alive today,

Heather

BAD! Kitty Art Studio Says Happy New Year! & Quote for the New DAY!

BAD! Kitty Art Studio

Quote for the day!

***

Welcome to the New/Next Year all Humanity!

We are still on the way.

Let there be

LIGHT

in all

of

the

souls

of this great

blue

spaceship.

May we reflect

the light

of

our

Love to all!

Heather